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notes from the camino: following along . . .

Today was our third day walking on the Camino de Santiago. We have now walked more days than we have left to walk; we have spent more days in Spain than we have left to spend. The mist that traveled with us yesterday turned into rain overnight and stayed with us as we began the longest stage of our journey: twenty-five kilometers — fifteen miles. Yesterday’s walk was a climb; today we were starting at a higher elevation than we would finish, but there were still a few hills to get over.

Much of the walk today made me think of the history into which we have stepped because the paths felt old. They were trails somehow dug into the forests and between the fields, with high embankments and sheltering arbors. And they were dirt. Well, today they were mud. Our pace was slower because we often had to walk single file with the other peregrinos (pilgrims) on the trail and we had to choose our steps carefully to try and find a place to step where our feet didn’t sink into mud or manure. Along the way we found the directions left for us: the yellow arrows, the kilometer markers, the churches and cemeteries, and cruceiros, which are large stone crosses some of which date back eight or nine hundred years.

In a couple of places, we had to stop and look for the directions to figure out where to go next. The rain, the mud, and the stacks of signals gave me a window through which to catch a glimpse of those who have walked before us. 2014 is significant here because it marks the eight hundredth anniversary of St. Francis walking the Camino. He not only walked the pilgrim trail, he walked from Assisi to begin with. For most of history, walking has been our primary form of transportation. Only now do we ride and fly and drive to get to where we begin to walk. They walked from wherever they lived to get to the place to begin walking for whatever purpose brought them to the Camino.

I have yet to meet someone who is walking for faith reasons, which is intriguing to me. An American our group met has been wanting to walk since 1953. An Australian man had planned to walk in 2012 and realized he had arthritis and had to postpone his pilgrimage. He and his wife had planned to do it this year and then she was unable to come. He was walking with a friend and were on their forty-eighth day. A Venezuelan woman who walked with us a good part of the afternoon began with her husband and a friend who were both injured, so she walked with us. We have seen people walking, biking, and riding horses on the trail. For many years those who walked before us were compelled to do so. It was a way to forgiveness, an act of penance, an act of devotion. It was not something to check off of a bucket list. It was a dangerous enterprise.

The rural paths we followed were once the ways people got from village to village and they were not always safe. The albergues where the pilgrims would stop to eat and sleep at night were their own risk for both safety and health. One of our guides said they changed the straw in the bed once a year. To walk the Camino was to take your life in your own hands, or put it in God’s hands, in order to do what you felt compelled to do. Along the way there were hospitals and even cemeteries dedicated to the pilgrims. As the rain fell and our clothes got wetter, as we felt more uncomfortable and determined, as we sloshed and stepped and slid our way up and down the hills, we brushed up against the spirits of those who had once walked this way, at the mercy of the weather and unaided by technology.

The last few kilometers into the little village where we are staying tonight began with a rather brutal uphill climb — or at least it felt brutal after the twenty rain-soaked kilometers before we turned the corner and saw the hill in front of us. For that stretch, Ginger and I were alone with the rain and the mud and the surrounding greenery, alone with the aches in our knees, alone with with each other. The evidences of humanity were all around us. We saw the colored ponchos on the backs of three pilgrims a good bit up the road, we passed houses and freshly plowed fields, we saw gardens and heard dogs bark their greetings. We were not alone. We were being afforded space to be, room to breathe, a thin place to attend. We were wet and tired and still amazed at what we were getting to do. We opened a gift that has demanded a good deal of us, that has called us beyond ourselves and our expectations. We have walked far and have more miles yet to go. Then we, at least in the spirit of the pilgrims who have come before us, will work our way home, perhaps with a different eye for the signs that might point us there.

Peace,
Milton

notes from the camino: thinking small

We began our second morning walking down the hill from our hotel in Portamarin to cross the river and continue our trek towards Santiago de Compostela. It was the last time we went downhill for several hours. The rain clouds above us felt more impending than threatening. The cool mist of the morning was made for walking. We were rejuvenated from our night’s rest and ready to walk. We crossed the bridge and began to climb for a little over fourteen kilometers — nearly nine miles. After only a couple, my hips and thighs hurt, burned, cried out. We walked though forests that made it seem we were in the Shire, along paths, both dirt and paved, that hugged the highway, and all the way we were climbing.

One of the most noticeable differences between yesterday and today was the walk was less populated by hamlets and farms and albergues, which are the hostels along the way for pilgrims to find room and board. We couldn’t stop for a coffee or a bathroom break. What we could do was keep climbing. About seven kilometers up the hill, Mike met us with snacks near a bar that had great cafe con leche; we ate and drank and kept moving. After another seven or eight kilometers, we topped the mountain (or rolling hill, as they call it here) and began a bit of a descent. As we did, the sun broke through the clouds and Ginger started singing “Sunshine on my Shoulders.” I joined in on the lines

if I had a day that I could give you
I’d give to you a day just like today
and if I had a song that I could sing for you
I’d sing a song to make you feel this way.

I was surprised by the emotion that sprang from within me. I got choked up. The song has deep roots in me, from learning to play guitar to the love I shared for John Denver music with my friend, David Gentiles. But there was more that I didn’t know how to touch or express. I just sang and walked. As we worked our way down the hill — well, not always down, but in that general direction — we encountered more hamlets and farms and coffee stops and the clouds came back, along with the mist. Our group spread out and Ginger and I walked most of the afternoon together past farms and wildflowers, cows and sheep, storybook forests and stone walls.

“What do you think about as you walk?” she asked.

It was the question that defined the day. I realized I thought a great deal about how much it hurt to walk, and which parts of me were hurting. I could feel my hips and thighs and knees in ways I had not before, not as though they were being injured as much as they were being called to go above and beyond their usual existence. I wondered, too, how long it would take to get beyond the pain to think about something else. I also began to realize I was not thinking about great things; I was not contemplating the meaning of existence, or how I could change the world. I was thinking about how to get to the top of the next hill. I was taken by small things: the lichen on the rocks, the wildflowers, the stacks of stones left by other pilgrims, my feet continuing to go one after the other.

“We are being present,” she said.

“My job is to be present and to think small,” I replied. “That’s not my job back in Durham, but for these days it is.”

It was not long after we turned the corner and found a forest filled with trees telling stories. We sat down on a wall of stacked stones too old to remember their ages to take a picture of ourselves. A fellow pilgrim appeared of the non-English speaking variety and pointed at my phone and at us. He had a winsome smile, a grey beard, black glasses, and a black scarf around his neck. He took the picture, smiled, and said, “It’s good. Buen Camino,” and he was on his way. We sat for awhile and retold what had just happened and then we followed him down the path. It’s not my favorite picture of me, mostly because I am not my favorite size these days. I need to lose weight. The picture is telling the truth. That said, I love the picture because it is present tense: here we are, thinking small — doing our job for these days.

Peace,
Milton

notes from the camino: why am I walking?

We left Sarria this morning with out much sense of where we were going. Yes, we had a map. Yes, we knew our destination was Portomarin. But neither offered a reference point that connected to our lives beyond we were setting out on the first leg of our journey on the Camino de Santiago. We left our hotel, crossed a small bridge, and began to follow the yellow arrows that mark the pilgrim trail. We are walking the last 113 kilometers of what is known as the French Route. It predates Christianity as a pagan pilgrim trail, but beginning in the eighth or ninth century became a Christian pilgrimage for those who wanted to venerate the bones of St. James, whose remains are said to rest in Santiago de Compostela.

These days, people walk the Camino for any number of different reasons, some having to do with faith and some not. We were joined (and mostly passed) by a bunch of other folks with the requisite scallop shell hanging from their backpacks and their yellow arrow pins shining somewhere on their clothing. I counted at least six different languages. Some walked, some rode bicycles; some moved in groups, others traveled alone. Keeping with the custom handed down to us, each time someone passed we exchanged, “Buen Camino.”

Good way. Good journey.

We climbed the hill to get out of town and we were on our way. Our group is made up of five pilgrims and two guides. Two of the women are sisters and Venezuelan, though one lives in Caracas and one in London. The other person besides Ginger and me is an American woman. As we moved out into the country, one of the Venezuelan women began to sing softly, which may have been one of my favorite moments of the day. We were climbing a steep hill and the gentle lilt of her voice was an encouragement as we set out on our adventure. The Camino is a patchwork collection of paths and roads that wanders between farms, alongside of highways, and through village streets, marked by hand painted yellow arrows that show up on the sides of barns and buildings, or on stones in the middle of fields. They were first painted by a priest who began in France and was confronted in the Basque region during the height of the separatist movement when concerns over terrorist activity ran high. When they asked what he was doing he replied, “Preparing for an invasion.”

He didn’t chose the most opportune moment to be poetic and he was telling the truth. Each year more and more pilgrims come to walk the roads and paths for all of the reasons that set them on the trail. As we walked and talked, listened and laughed, I found myself wandering, “Why am I walking?” One answer is this is what Ginger planned for her sabbatical to begin a year for both her and our church that will be focused on prayer. Another is we were moved by the movie, The Way, which ignited interest in the Camino in both of us. But today, as the morning sun shone on my shoulders, as the cows moved from barn to pasture, as we made our way from one Spanish town to another on foot, why was I walking? What was I hoping to find, or hoping would find me?

Today we walked a little over thirteen miles. As I write, my legs are sore and my feet are tired and both only have about thirteen hours before we will be back out on the trail tomorrow. Part of the reason I am walking is for the exercise and to set some new patterns. I need to do what I need to do for there to be less of me on the planet. Though I don’t plan to walk thirteen miles everyday, I am using this week to create a new practice in my life that I plan to continue (in the three to five mile range) when I return. I am walking, in part, because of my love of Don Quixote — both the book and the character. Though I am in Galicia and not La Mancha, to be in Spain makes me feel more connected to one of my inspirations. I am walking, in part, because of the history of the Camino and my love for most anything that incarnates what it means to be connected as humans. On the trail, everyone is walking the same way; this is not a two way street. We are all walking together, to the same place, even as we move at different paces.

My best answer, however, is I am walking to figure out why I am walking. To discover. To learn. To act out a metaphor of faith and life. I am walking to see what happens next. One one section of the path today Ginger said, “There are a lot of signs, but they don’t tell you anything.” Exactly. I am not on the Damascus Road. I am in the middle of the Spanish countryside, separated from most all of my obligations and promises, with a chance to decide whether or not I will chose to use the stones in the road to build an altar, a remembrance, a place to be reminded what it meant to walk these days.

I am walking to walk. To breathe in the space created by my steps. To let my life beat to a rhythm it knows little of. I want to do more than romanticize it or beat myself up for being to busy back home. Beyond that, I’ll just keep walking.

Peace
Milton

notes from the camino: time and place

Over the past few couple of weeks, I’ve taken two long plane rides — one to California and one to Spain. In the process of trying to find some sense of place in the midst of my time travel, I wondered (out loud, I think) if we were meant for such things, if we lose something of ourselves in the pursuit of what is faster and quicker.

Wait. I’m telling the story out of order.

On the last night of my time in California, the folks I was with drove about an hour up to San Francisco for dinner together. One of the guys used the maps on his smart phone to get us around town. When we started back to where we were staying, he said, “It says it will take us fifteen hours to get back to the hotel” — then he realized he had left the map settings on walking instructions.

On the flight back, I was rereading John Berger’s book of essays on art, The Shape of a Pocket. In “Studio Talk” he talked about face and place in paintings. Two quotes stuck with me, Whether I understood then completely is another story, but they stuck with me. They even haunted me a little bit.

When a place is found it is found somewhere on the frontier between nature and art. It’s like a hollow in the sand within which the frontier has been wiped out. The place of a painting begins in this hollow. (29)

 

When the painting becomes a place, there is a chance that the face of what the painter is looking for will show itself. (31)

We left Durham on Thursday for Spain. As part of Ginger’s sabbatical we are going to walk part of the Camino de Santiago, an ancient pilgrim trail near the northern coast. We got to the airport around one o’clock with the best intentions and highest hopes to end up in Barcelona the following, well, day, I guess. I mean, we were going to fly all night, but the night we would be flying through had already happened in Spain, so we would get there in the early afternoon. The plan was simple: RDU to JFK to Barcelona. Then the news came that storms in New York were delaying our flight such that we would miss our connection, so they tried to send us to Philadelphia (then Paris then Barcelona), but the plane was too heavy once loaded. The next version was Atlanta to Paris to Spain, but the Atlanta plane never took off for reasons unexplained, so at eight o’clock they flew us to Boston to wait for the next day’s flight to Amsterdam and then, finally, Barcelona. By the time we got to Spain, we knew neither the day or the time, only that we had finally made it. We stumbled into a cafe for dinner and went to bed.

We rode a train across the Spanish countryside working our way to the place where we will begin our walk: seventy-odd miles from Sarria to Santiago de Compostela in the steps of countless pilgrims who have gone before us and I am back to Berger and paintings, to hollows in the sand and flight delays, The train took over twelve hours to take us across a land we do not know, stopping at towns filled with people who have lived full and happy lives without any knowledge of us and who speak a language I can only butcher. I am out of place here, even though Ginger looks like most every Spanish woman we have passed on the streets. I trust that the steps we will take over the next week, taking five days to walk what one could drive in an hour or two, will show me the hollow in the sand or, as the old hymn says, the hollow in the hand of our Creator. Something about walking, about kicking up the dust from which we were made, grounds us, both literally and spiritually, reminding us we belong here and we belong together because whatever place is, it is not solitary.

The airports in Durham, Boston, Amsterdam, and Barcerlona all had a Starbucks. I stood on one street corner this afternoon in downtown Barcelona flanked by a KFC and a McDonalds. Though they are familiar, they offer no sense of place. A brand is not the same as a place. Step inside most any mall and you have no need for an address, or for any kind of geography because you are nowhere discernible other than the mall. You can find the same ten stores, the same window designs, the same things on sale, but you will not find anything to show you the hollow in the sand, to connect you with something beyond what you see on the shelves.

As many evenings as we can, Ginger and I take a walk through our town. We have a three mile loop that takes us past Fullsteam and Motorco, past the Senior Center and the Post Office, then past Pleiades Art Gallery, Ninth Street Bakery, Pizzeria Toro (please reopen soon), the Cupcake Bar, and Bull McCabe’s, then on through the West Village and on to Torero’s, Fishmongers, the James Joyce, the Federal, the Other End of the Leash, down the side of Duke’s East Campus, circling through houses until we’re back at Cocoa Cinnamon and Geer Street Garden, the local tienda, and the TROSA dorm. My list of landmarks is far from exhaustive. We mark our steps by places we know because of friends and faces, moments and memories.

The faster we travel, the farther we go, yes, but the less we get to notice. We flew to Barcelona and felt mostly disoriented. We walked in Barcelona and we saw couples strolling hand in hand, a little girl dancing in the train station, and a Schnauzer who stopped to greet us outside our hotel. We are riding tonight to a place that offers us nothing but walking, has scheduled nothing but time together. Perhaps the hollow in the sand will offer us one another: faces we know and love with time to tell our stories over and over.

Peace,
Milton

san antonio

We’ve been wandering on streetsIMG_4390
where the stones tell stories
and the river laughs and lingers
just below the city streets: the veins
of history flowing underneath
the skin of sidewalks and skyscrapers.

Time feels as wide as the boulevard
in this middle child of a city;
kindness is common currency,
spoken and shared where the biggest
attraction marks a grand defeat.

The stones, old and new, are stacked
as cathedrals and condominiums,
the streets personalized by
the pork chop breakfasts and
homemade tortillas, the bright
colors of a biracial marriage.

My heart slows to match the pulse
of the quiet hope that haunts
theses streets, these stones
as we go down to the river
and trust today is enough.

Peace,
Milton

snapshot

I’ve been in the arena enough to know
my lines. when it came my turn — our turn —
we sang show a little faith there’s magic
in the night — and then cheered as though
we wrote the words or at least made them famous . . .

two nights later I was cooking a birthday
dinner while I watched eight or nine people
spend the evening being friends
serving stories to one another infused
with laughter and what it means to be known . . .

here’s one of me walking around town
sunday afternoon through the middle of
our earth day celebration, alongside of people
determined to find ways to be together
as though we were made for it . . .

I can see my reflection in the window
that looks over the backyard as I write
now late into the night. the house is quiet.
the pups have given up on my going to bed.
I’ve given up on nothing . . .

Peace
Milton

lenten journal: still rolls the stone . . .

In the waning minutes of this Easter night that will slip into a day that will mark, among other things, the running of the Boston Marathon and our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary, I am grateful for life, for the signs of resurrection, for the indefatigable light that refuses to be extinguished. I am grateful for another Lenten journey that has brought me tired and hopeful to the empty tomb.

As my friend Bob Bennett sings so beautifully, “still rolls the stone . . .”

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: wings

These two lines greeted me in an email from a dear friend today:

Go to the edge of a cliff and jump off.
Build your wings  on the way down.
— Ray Bradbury

My first connection was to my favorite Guy Clark song, “The Cape” —

he’s one of those who knows
that life is just a leap of faith
close your eyes, hold your breath,
and always trust your cape

I find deep comfort in both. Sing yourself to sleep, my friends.

Peace,
Milton

 

lenten journal: statement of faith

In our Adult Confirmation Class that has met during Lent, we talked about writing a statement of faith. We also discussed how inadequate the verb believe is as a translation of the Greek word for faith, which is a verb. Trust would be a better choice, as far as English goes. With that in mind, in the waning hours of this Good Friday . . .

I don’t believe in Jesus; I trust him.
I trust the darkness of today is not the last word.
I trust that the story doesn’t end with the Resurrection.
I trust God never quits looking for us.
I trust God finds some people in different ways than I was found.
I trust there are times when God speaks and I’m the one hearing nothing but the wind.
I trust Jesus is who he said he was.
I trust there is more to Jesus than what I see.
I trust my faith makes my life worth it, regardless of what comes next.
I trust it is more important to be loving than it is to be right.
I trust that God is still speaking.
I trust God is speaking to more than just me.
I trust God’s love is the final word, no matter what else is said.
I trust it will be a word we all can hear.

Peace,
Milton