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lenten journal: connected by wires

One of the joys of living in the South is a big front porch, and one of the traditions of our porch is we populate it with Boston ferns every Spring, leaving them up until well into the fall (or winter) until they make our place look a little like Boo Radley’s house. A week or two after the ferns are hung, a bird manages to build a nest — usually in the one second from the left, if you’re standing at the front door facing the yard, which means that fern doesn’t get watered as well and we often have to replace it.

This year, our hanging Christmas lights stayed on the hooks where the ferns go until today. Since outlets are few on the front porch, hanging the seven large lighted balls around the porch requires several extension cords, lots of hooks, and a fair amount of ingenuity. Yesterday, Ginger noticed that, in lieu of a fern, the birds had built their nest on top of a bunch of wires up in the corner of the porch ceiling. When I started taking the lights down today, she asked if the nest would be alright. I was careful, gentle. The wires I needed to move came out easily and the nest seemed to be back in place. I put the lights back in their boxes and the boxes back in the basement, hung the ferns, and went on with my day.

Soon after we got home from our Maundy Thursday service at church, a choir of sirens began singing through our downtown neighborhood. We went out on the porch to see what was going on since about six police cars were within sight and learned there had been a carjacking attempt a couple of blocks away and the police were in pursuit of a suspect. While we were on the porch, Ella, our oldest Schnauzer, noticed the nest had fallen and the little newly hatched babies were scattered across the floor in that corner of the porch. When we realized what she was picking up, we did our best to stop her. She was puzzled, because she didn’t know what she had stumbled upon, and I was troubled because I had moved the wires. It was my fault.

As I was reading the Writer’s Almanac earlier today, I noticed today marks Thornton WIlder’s birthday. Though he’s probably best known for Our Town, one of my favorites is a small book called The Bridge of San Luis Rey. Here’s how Booklist describes the novel:

Few novels identify their basic plot line as succinctly and forthrightly as the opening line of Thornton Wilder’s 1927 novel, The Bridge of San Luis Rey: “On Friday noon, July the twentieth, 1714, the finest bridge in all Peru broke and precipitated five travelers into the gulf below.” The novel’s conceit is this: a certain Brother Juniper was himself about to step out onto the bridge when it broke and subsequently witnessed the plunge of five people into the abyss below. Brother Juniper wonders if the tragedy happened according to a divine plan or was simply a random instance of misfortune. His curiosity leads him to investigate the lives of the five victims to prove that the bridge collapse and the resulting deaths were indeed divine intervention—that God intended for them to die then and there. But, of course, the point of the novel is that there is no commonality among them, other than the fact that they are all simply human, with their own frailties.

While the cops looked for whoever was doing damage in our neighborhood, I was cleaning up the damage I caused, picking up the tiny featherless carcasses that were not as big as one knuckle of my little finger, who could not have been alive for very long, and whose lives where now over only because I moved the wires. And I know people tonight who are hurting over deaths and losses in their lives far more profound that feel as unnecessary as they are unexplainable.

What then shall we say on this darkest of nights, as we wait now for Easter daylight?

Hear Wilder’s closing words:

But soon we shall die and all memory of these five will have left the earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.

And love is a bridge whose wires will never give way.

Peace
Milton

lenten journal: spy wednesday

it’s the name I found
when I went looking
for what happened

on Wednesday of the
Week we’ve labeled
Holy — using capital

letters as though there
were some sort of scripted
suspense instead of a simple

day of preparation for Passover,
for supper together, and the
selling of one friend by another.

No cloaks. No daggers. No
hidden microphones in camel’s
ears. Just a lot of getting ready.

I have to get ready for Judas
to leave the room tomorrow night;
it breaks my heart every time

because he didn’t last the
weekend. He never heard the
news he was forgiven.

Love was lurking through
it all like a thief in the night,
or a spy on Wednesday.

Peace,
Milton

 

lenten journal: hymn for a night such as this

One of the highlights of my Lenten season has been my repeated listening to the new Jackson Browne tribute 81sI31ZNa5L._SL1500_project, Looking Into You. Most of the songs have been a part of the soundtrack of my life for as long as they have been public record and I love to hear him sing them, still this collection is beautiful and engaging. Many tribute projects these days look to younger performers to interpret the songs of those who came before them. On this record, the songs are covered by many of Browne’s contemporaries, even friends, offering a creative and relational resonance that offers more than just words and music. It is the sound of friendship, of people that matter to one another.

Tuesday nights during Lent have been significant because of a group of us who have gathered to talk about faith. We have called it our “Adult Confirmation Class” and we have looked together at the Bible, church history, the UCC, and then talked about how we might articulate our statements of faith — what we trust (not believe) about who God is and what God would do in our lives. The discussions have been thoughtful and meaningful and full of great questions and a growing trust between us. As I was puttering around the kitchen tonight, thinking about the evening, the band Venice sang their cover of “For a Dancer,” and I heard a hymn for a night such as this:

keep a fire burring in your eye
pay attention to the open sky
you never know what will be coming down . . .

As I sang along, I began to see the folks who have sat around the table at Fullsteam, and tonight at Geer Street Garden. One of the creative tensions we have tried to hold is between the history handed down to us — from various directions — and the faith we are working to live out in these days. These lines stuck out to me:

just do the steps that you’ve been shown
by everyone you’ve ever known
until the dance becomes your very own

The choreography of faith means both learning the old steps and coming up with some new combinations. To act as though we are without history, or that what and who have come before us hold no sway is to cut ourselves off at the roots (sorry to change metaphors); to live as though what matters most is to repeat what has already been said is to shut ourselves off from the lives behind everything from the eclipse to the empty tomb. As we sat around the table tonight, we found the freedom and safety to talk about our questions, our wounds, and the faith growing out of both, which feels as though we are sitting beside Peter and Thomas, Mary, Martha, even Judas in this week of grief and failure.

Living on this side of Easter means we want to move quickly to proclaiming “victory.” Yes, the Resurrection offers hope, but hope and certainty are not the same thing. We still have to live this thing through: as though we can trust the Story Handed Down To Us; as though we can trust each other.

Let’s sing the last verse:

keep a fire for the human race
let your prayers go drifting into space
you never know what will be coming down
perhaps a better world is drawing near
and just as easily it could all disappear
along with whatever meaning you might have found
don’t let the uncertainty turn you around
(the world keeps turning around and around)
go on and make a joyful sound

I know. It’s not easy to hear that it could all disappear, and then I have known times when the meaning I thought I had found went missing. The writer of Hebrews described faith as “the substance of things not seen.” Not certainty. Trust.

Today has been a cold and rainy day in our town. Tonight, as we got up from the table, was no different. We hugged and laughed in the parking lot and then went out into the dark to find our way home, trusting, as one who came before us once proclaimed, “there is still more light to break forth.”

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: fellow traveler

the last one on the plane and
he took the last seat between me
and the young soldier on his way home

the old man had white curls under
a pork pie hat, thin black glasses,
a white shirt under a tweed sportscoat
his pants fastened where waists used to be

he aimed his conversation at the soldier
out of my ear shot, though I heard
him tell he had once served as well

they talked till we all dozed off.
I turned once to look at him and
saw him smiling in his sleep
and imagined he was dreaming

of coming home long ago
on a spring night not as stormy,
train coming into the station and he

leaning out the window to catch
a glimpse of her on the platform
shining in that pink dress — the same one
she wore the first time he said he loved her.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: thank you note

for the chance to return
to streets I once knew

an opportunity to talk
about things that matter

to be on the receiving end
of unsolicited encouragement

for the chance to lose myself
in the crust of a tomato tart

to find myself serving at
someone else’s communion rail

and return home with the pockets
of my heart stuffed with laughter

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: on the road

I have spent the day traveling from Durham to Fort Worth where I am speaking at First United Methodist Church tomorrow. They read my book during Lent and asked me to come and share Communion in worship and dinner tomorrow night. I have spent the evening eating and talking with new friends from the church and old friends from my UBC days. I am going to bed grateful — and without writing much more.

Peace,

Milton

lenten journal: epiphany

I would love to tell you I had
an epiphany in the middle of lent:
an earth-shattering, horizon-bending,
blaze of understanding and insight
that changed everything for me.

My day, however, spelled out
in much smaller steps, turns of
phrase, incremental graces: a call
from a friend, homemade marinara,
sunshine on my lunch hour.

My heart feels like the tail
of the lion outside the library,
worn smooth by hands on humanity:
even statues can come to life
when love shows up everyday.

Peace
Milton

lenten journal: remnant

there are nights we sit down
to dinner because we need to eat.
then there are nights — like this —
where we sit down together because
we need each other long before we
even take a bite, feeling as crushed as
garlic, hoping to find a taste of the
patience that built the sauce, the grace
that gets passed between us as we
pass platters and promises.

I’ll live on leftovers the rest of the week.

Peace,
Milton

 

lenten journal: detailing

When they had come near Jerusalem and had reached Bethphage, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them, “Go into the village ahead of you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied, and a colt with her; untie them and bring them to me. If anyone says anything to you, just say this, “The Lord needs them.” And he will send them immediately. (Matthew 21:1-4)

When I was a kid reading these verses, I thought maybe Jesus had some sort of magical power. He sent the disciples into town to get the donkeys — mother and child — so he could ride one into town. He didn’t give them a name. He just said, “When you get to town you’ll see the donkeys. Take them. If someone stops you, tell them I need them” and they’ll let you walk off with them. I figured their words cast some sort of Twilight Zone trance that let the disciples take the animals without any struggle. It made for an imaginative scene, but it didn’t ring true.

Where I finally came down on the scene is Jesus had friends the disciples didn’t know. Jesus hung out with more people than make an appearance in the gospels. Whoever owned the donkeys knew full well Jesus would send for them. It was not magic; it was prearranged. Jesus didn’t ad lib his ride into Jerusalem. He planned it. He meant it. And he knew the folks who could help make it happen, and many of them were people other than the disciples who got all the press.

I don’t know that my understanding of Jesus’ life beyond the gospels has any giant theological implications, but it does make me read the stories differently. Truth is we don’t have many details about Jesus. We know about his birth, when he was twelve, and then his early thirties; the rest is unexplored back story. There is more to Jesus than we have been led to believe. There are layers of the stories — even the ones we know well — that remain unexplored or at least unnoticed. We don’t know the whole story.

Listen close. Look in the cracks. Fill in the blanks. Go find the donkeys.

Peace
Milton

lenten journal: still singing . . .

I want to listen more than talk tonight. These are songs that continue to speak to me.

“Old Friends” by Guy Clark.

old friends shine like diamonds

old friends you can always call

old friends lord you can’t buy ‘em

you know it’s old friends after all

Don Henley wrote:

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter

because the flesh will get weak and the ashes will scatter

so I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness forgiveness

even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

 

In “Don’t Carry It All” the Decembrists sing

and nobody, nobody knows

let the yoke fall from our shoulders

don’t carry it all don’t carry it all

we are all our hands in holders

beneath this bold and brilliant sun

this I swear to all

Kris Kristofferson closes the show with “Feeling Mortal.”

God Almighty here I am

am I where I ought to be

I’ve begun to soon descend

like the sun into the sea

and I thank my lucky stars

from here to eternity

for the artist that you are

and the man you made of me

Peace,

MIlton