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rite of spring

these are days littered with losses
the absences seem more present
perhaps because we marked eighteen
months since my father-in-law died

now the news comes of others —
one who made me laugh and one who
reminded me God laughs, too
hard to navigate life without

hitting these pot-holes of the heart
even the ones we know are there
but we keep going keep going
while the wind sings a gospel song

and  calls me to the harmony
as the redbud offers its first bloom
with last fall’s leaves still scattered
over the dust from whence we came

Peace,
Milton

“you can’t escape my love”

Yesterday morning I went to breakfast with a room full of people who make me proud to live in Durham. The group was the Religious Coalition for a Nonviolent Durham, which is a profound collection of folks who are working diligently to end violence in our town, or as they say, “Our mission is to prevent and rectify the injustice of violence
that segregates our city and diminishes our humanity.” They incarnate that mission statement in some beautiful and meaningful ways:

  • prayer vigils after homicides — at the site of the homicide — to honor and publicly recognize the human worthiness of the victim, to comfort family and friends, & to sanctify and bring healing to the site where the violence occurred;
  • community lunch roundtables — with presentations from peacemakers and then discussion;
  • Friday meal delivery — to the families of homicide victims to offer compassion and companionship; and
  • the Reconciliation and Reentry ministry — which seeks peace by building intentional relationships among people of faith and newly released prisoners that facilitate both collective and individual acts of compassion, reconciliation, and peace.

During the course of the morning, we heard from a woman who has spent her life waging peace in our city; a retired navy officer who talked about how his heart had been changed by working on one of the Reconciliation and Reentry teams at his church; a “faith partner” from another R&R team who described how they had helped him as he tried to find his way after getting out of prison; and a woman whose son was murdered many years ago, alongside of a man whom she met through the RCND who was helping her tell her story of grief and reconciliation. Their book will be published this year.

The woman who spoke first talked like a poet. “We must do more than stump our toes on all that needs to be done,” she said. I could almost feel myself trip as she spoke. In our town, 27% of our children live in poverty. One out of four will experience food insecurity in his or her lifetime. Some of our neighborhoods live with unconscionable levels of crime and violence. Our state legislature seems determined to deepen the racial and economic divides that plague us — and I haven’t even gotten out of town.

Then the faith partner spoke, and invoked a phrase often repeated my Marcia Owen, the director: “You can’t escape our love.” Whether we are stumbling to find our place in life, bent over by a posture of pessimism, or tripping over our to do lists, those are words to help us all stand up straight.

Even youths will faint and be weary,
and the young will fall exhausted;
but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,
they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint. (Is. 40:30-31)

We live in a society — and a world — convinced of the inevitability of violence. Even as North Korea rattles its sabers, the discussion centers around how to fight back. Congress can’t have a rational discussion about guns because of the fearmongering of those determined to profit by promoting the idea that the only way we can survive is to arm ourselves against one another. The battle of life is our working metaphor.

Breakfast yesterday reminded me that metaphor is an empty and insidious lie. Marcia and the many in our community who are waging peace are telling the truth: love, not violence, is the inescapable force. Love, not violence, will change the world and offer hope and security to us all. Love, not violence, is what makes the walls fall down.

And it happens one conversation, one meal, one visit, one vigil at a time.

As Ginger left the R&R meeting at our church Monday night, she called me to tell me about our new faith partner, who faces a difficult road. “I walked out of the church and saw our sign that says, ‘We welcome all,’ and I got emotional. When we do this work, we are doing the real work of Jesus.” Her words reminded me of something else she said coming out of one of her first R&R meetings, soon after we came to Durham: “If every congregation in America adopted one person coming out of prison, we could change our society.” Indeed.

Thomas wouldn’t believe Jesus was alive until he touched him and we tagged him as a doubter, yet, when we swallow the lie that violence is inevitable in our world and refuse to trust the power of Love expressed by the empty tomb, we call ourselves “realistic.”  When we do, we become the church Martin Luther King, Jr. described in his Letter from the Birmingham Jail:

There was a time when the church was very powerful–in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being “disturbers of the peace” and “outside agitators.”‘ But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were “a colony of heaven,” called to obey God rather than man. Small in number, they were big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be “astronomically intimidated.” By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contests. Things are different now. So often the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an archdefender of the status quo. Far from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church’s silent–and often even vocal–sanction of things as they are.

May we be the “God-intoxicated” ones, those who love tenaciously and specifically, those who trust Jesus wasn’t joking, those who incarnate inescapable love.

Peace,
Milton

easter message

only steps away from the empty
tomb and already we’re walking back
to the cemetery alongside
a friend who must bury his father

most of our footsteps it seems are aimed
toward the grave rather than away
from it — lazarus could tell you that
we are like sheep headed for slaughter

we sat last night around the table
living out love as best we knew how
sharing cornbread chili chocolate
chip cookies on a cold april night

now is not the time for pat answers
that time never comes no never comes
no matter what life’s going to hurt
empty tombs are going to fill up

and we will keep living hand to mouth
heart to heart holding on for dear life
and trusting that the last word belongs
to love and light — even in the dark

Peace,
Milton

 

lenten journal: just give me one thing

One Sunday morning a couple of weeks ago, I posted a video on my Facebook page of a group called The Lone Bellow singing their cover of John Prine’s “Angel From Montgomery,” which is my favorite song. I captioned the post, “Here is our invocation for the morning.” A friend wrote back questioning the hope in the song, saying all he could hear was an old woman who had lost the love of her life and was now trapped in a mundane existence.

Tonight — this darkest of in between days — seems like a good time to explain what I hear in the song. My friend is listening well to Prine’s words. The woman is voicing her grief eloquently. What she had once is long gone, whether the old man is gone or they both have just grown weary of all of the losses that life inflicts. The first couple of verses give a quick topographical map of both her sadness and tenacity — and it’s right there I hear the first haunts of hope in the midst of all that feels so heavy. She has lost much and she is still here. The losses are not the last word, even if stammering out something of substance is hard to do. The chorus seems like something the disciples could have sung together as the cowered in the despair on this very night:

make me an angel that flies from montgomery
make me a poster of an old rodeo
just give me one thing that I can hold on to
to believe in this living is just a hard way to go

The song is an invocation — a call to trust and live out loud — because I head a grit and determination in the darkness. She is joining the chorus of poets, prophets, and peasants all the way back to the psalmist:

For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song;
and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying,
“Sing us one of the songs of Zion.”
How shall we sing the Lord’s song in a strange land? (PS. 137:3-4)

In her own way, the old woman in the song is answering the psalmist’s question: you just sing, strange land or not. Sing as though the darkness will last only as long as the night, and grief for a season. Let’s keep singing as though we were going to live through this. “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen,” said the writer of the Epistle to the Hebrews (11:1). Yes. Just give me one thing I can hold on to.

As I age, I appreciate what it takes to stay alive, to keep going. I joked with Ginger yesterday that as wearying as this Lenten season has been I imagined Mary getting to the tomb and finding Jesus only to have him say, “Could I have just one more day of rest? Come back in the morning and I’ll be ready.”

“Just give me one thing that I can hold on to,” Mary answered. And Jesus got up.

Perhaps what pulls me most in the song are the imploring requests of the chorus — make me, give me. It’s a prayer aimed in every direction — at God and anyone else who will listen, and as such is an invocation for us to do the same. God has given us to one another that we might lead each other through the darkness and doubt, through the grind and the grief, together.

We are saved by grace together. Now let us sing.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: then and now

Most every year, I am struck by how hard the story must have been to live through the first time around when no one had any inking of Easter on Good Friday. Here’s how that idea came out tonight.

then and now

by the time Jesus died
most everyone had left
him in failure or in fear

that first time around no
one had seen the ending
friday seemed quite final

between noon and three
I bought groceries for
sunday morning pancakes

we’ll eat together after
we worship at daybreak
hoping for a small glimpse

of the first time mary
heard him call her name
which is also out of reach

even as we sing and eat
in darkness and daylight
and call each other to life

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: litany

Maundy Thursday is a disquieting day for me — a cosmic juxtaposition of hope and despair that strikes on an intensely personal level. Here is how I put it into words.

litany

syrian war invades a campus that acts as a sanctuary
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
boston’s longest-serving mayor won’t seek sixth term
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
mandella hospitalized with recurring lung ailment
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
clashes as chile students march for education reform
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
pope francis washes feet of young detainees in ritual
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
guantanamo hunger strikers ‘denied water’
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
dna test reveals eighty markers for inherited cancer risk
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
huge cyber-attack causes worldwide disruption
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
newtown gunman had arsenal of pistols, shotguns, swords, and knives
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out
united nations special combat force for congo approved
the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot put it out

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: flower show

by now in most marches — at least at this latitude
Easter is made to look like a foregone conclusion

new life springing forth in every bed and byway
as though resurrection were as natural as daffodils

but this year the dirt has stayed as cold as bones
and the daffodils duped into blooming all alone

so I bend down and whisper into their yellow bells
a story I know about a snow covered cemetery and

children digging for eggs one Easter morning up
north where spring shows up a long time after Jesus

the little ones laughed among the grave stones
and ran like Mary barreling back to tell the others

I was there, I say, I saw life among the tombs yet all
they do is bask in the beauty of their short little lives

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: something to say

I’ve sat here longer than usual tonight staring at the empty page, not because I don’t have ideas but because I’ve been trying to figure out what is best to say. Like many of you, I’m sure, I’ve read my share of blog posts and editorials and the like talking about what the Supreme Court Justices asked and said today as they listened to arguments over the case involving California’s Proposition 8. Tomorrow they will hear arguments related to the Defense of Marriage Act.

It’s not that I have trouble knowing where I stand, or taking a stand. I wore my red Chuck Taylors to work today and joinIMG_1419ed in the avalanche of Facebook friends who posted red flags as their profile pictures. I’m a strong GLBT ally and I want to see equal marriage become the law. But that’s not news.

My guess is most everyone who wrote on either side of the issue today was repeating themselves, however. I didn’t read one article or post that began, “I’ve changed my mind” or “I’ve never said this before.” Most all of them seem written as though they are trying to convince those who disagree with them. I came close to doing the same thing — and then I changed my mind because I keep wondering what I most need to say. I could write an open letter to Justice Roberts or try to answer one of the big conservative bloggers or try to combat the vitriol that gets erroneously labeled as Christian, but I’m not sure that would do much but contribute a little more to the shouting and shoving already going on.

The more I sat here, the more I thought about a conversation I had today with one of my coworkers who is lesbian. I senbacon for allt her a picture I found on Facebook of the HRC red flag with bacon stripes titled, “Equality and Bacon for All.” We had a good laugh and then I said, “Whatever happens when the decisions come down, remember love wins. We win.”

And she said, “I really never believed we would get to this day in my lifetime. Really.”

She didn’t even hold out the hope that we would have the discussion, much less that we choose to take another step in our maturing as humans to love one another equally. She thought she would live her whole life being treated as less than a person and yet she chooses to be one of the most loving, determined, and compassionate people I know. As the straight white Christian male — that’s four for four, if you’re counting dominant groups — I have never had to deal with a day in my life where I faced what she lives with everyday. And she is not alone.

So here’s what I want to say: I’m with her.

She inspires me, as do the veritable army of gay and lesbian people who have loved me and shaped my life down through the years from my days as a youth minister to my time as a hospital chaplain and a high school teacher to those who helped me in the darkest days of my depression to church members and coffee buddies and coworkers and on members of our chosen family and folks here in our city who have loved us and given us room to begin to grow roots here.

I’m with them.

No, let me say it a different way so it doesn’t sound like one of those conversations where you talk about someone in the third person even though they’re sitting right there.

I’m with you. I love you. Thank you.

That’s the best I have to offer.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: the artists’ way

One of the small memories of my senior year at Baylor is sitting talking to a friend in the Student Union Building as people walked by. Those who recognized us would inevitably ask, “How are you?” as they passed. My friend looked at me and said, “No one really wants to wait for the answer. Watch.” And she proceeded to toss funny and even tragic answers as they tossed their drive-by question and, as long as she smiled, not one of them heard a word she said.

I thought of that afternoon this evening because I am grateful for friends who ask how I am with the expectation I will feel free to answer honestly. I was lucky enough to get asked twice — once by Claudia and once by Leon, both at Cocoa Cinnamon. My answer to both was something along the lines of “Life is good and weighty. These days are heavy and important.” Lent has been hard to carry this year to the point that I have dropped several days in my writing discipline. The weight comes from the season, for life’s circumstances, and from trying to figure out what lies on beyond Easter.

One of the other voices I heard in my afternoon travels was that of Chinua Achebe, the noted Nigerian writer who died last week. In his memory, Terry Gross played a Fresh Air interview from 1988, which centered around his novel Anthills of the Savannah. Thanks to NPR, I was able to find the transcript of what I heard as I drove.

GROSS: One of the characters in your new novel says that writers shouldn’t stop at documenting social problems. They should give prescriptions. And another character, who is a writer, says in response: Writers don’t give prescriptions. They give headaches. Is that how you feel, too?

ACHEBE: Yes. Yes. I think that’s one of the few instances in the novel where you can identify what the characters are saying with the way I feel. And that comes from the pressure which is mounting on us, on…

GROSS: On writers?

ACHEBE: …creative writers, yes – especially in post-colonial areas of the world – to tell their people what they should do to be saved and to tell them not in the way that great stories have told, but in specific detail, almost ideological ways. And I think it is the duty of artists to resist. This is why the artist and the poet in the novel is resisting, and, of course, exaggerating, because this is part of the whole business of teaching. The whole business of prophecy is, in fact, to exaggerate. And so when he says it’s my duty to give headaches, you know, this fixes it in the mind, which is why we use extreme images like that.

Though I didn’t remember the exchange word for word, what I heard was him speaking of the poet, the novelist, the teacher, and the prophet as if they were one and the same,  or at least inextricably linked. And out loud in the car I said, “Yes.”

This morning I learned from Garrison Keillor that today is Flannery O’Connor’s birthday. One of my favorite of her quotes is, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you odd.” Both writers were describing the trajectory of Holy Week, if not all that we call faith: a life lived in disquietude, in creative tension, in the cacophony of community, in the revolution that is the Resurrection. This week is about Jesus walking through the injustice and betrayal and humiliation and pain and blowing right through the tomb to come out on the other side a brighter shade of grace than anyone could have imagined. This week has less to do with the paying off of some strange cosmic debt than it does nothing but love gets the last word.

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

Here’s where the metaphor breaks down.

Poets, writers, prophets, and teachers, for the most part are solo gigs. They create by themselves; they offer their individual work. They may unite a following, or incite a revolution, but they are keep to themselves. The headache of faith is we are called to make great art of this life together. We are called to incite, to listen, to engage, to tear down, to build up — together. The only way anyone is going to know the truth that nothing can separate any of us from the love of God is if we are out there loving the hell out of everyone.

Everyone. From Fred Phelps to the hunger strikers at Guantanamo. From the Supreme Court Justices to the members of Congress. (The biggest stretch for me, perhaps.) From the greed-driven on Wall Street to the hungry folks down on the corner. From those who are like us to those who are not.

Everyone. Achebe’s words remind me I think of God as much more of an artist than an accountant (with apologies to any accountants out there). The theories of the atonement that talk about Jesus’s death being required, as though God has to balance some kind of ledger in blood have never resonated for me. But our God of awesome whimsy, of grandeur and generosity, of color and splash and serious subversiveness, came as a kid and grew up, told stories that weren’t readily understandable, hung out with the undesirables even as he ate with the rich folks, and painted Palestine with love and grace and healing like nobody’s business.

The layers of Lent lie heavy because we are being called to come to life again this week as we march through death once more. We march through death every week. But this week we remind ourselves in ways we often forget that death is not the last word. What kills us and divides us and damages us does not tell the whole story. Yet if we lose sight of our calling as poets and prophets, the art and oddness stop here.

the weight of these sad times we must obey
speak what we feel not what we ought to say
(King Lear, V, 3:17)

Rise up, poets, and follow.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: the rainy day way

I haven’t written for a couple of days because we shipped up to Boston to surprise our foster daughter for her thirtieth birthday. We pulled off the surprise and had a wonderful whirlwind of a celebration. We awoke this morning to the Durham version of the stormy weather covering a good part of the country, though ours has been all rain rather than snow.

In our church, this Sunday has to carry both the Palm and Passion parts of the Lenten story, and so our service begins with palm fronds and ends with Jesus going to Golgotha. To help us make the transition, Ginger and Carla changed all the vestments on the altar from purple to red and also changed their stoles. Two songs ran through my head as we moved from hosannas to heartache, if you will — and neither were hymns.

The first was Gordon Lightfoot’s “Rainy Day People,” which I will admit I have not thought of in a long, long time. The gist of the song is those who know how to appreciate a rainy day understand it’s part of life:

rainy day people always seem to know when it’s time to call
rainy day people don’t talk, they just listen till they’ve heard it all
rainy day lovers don’t lie when they tell ‘ya they’ve been down like you
rainy day people don’t mind if you’re cryin’ a tear or two
if you get lonely, all you really need is that rainy day love
rainy day people all know there’s no sorrow they can’t rise above
rainy day lovers don’t love any others, that would not be kind
rainy day people all know how it hangs on a piece of mind

The second song came out of my remembrance of the first, only because I kept thinking about our call to follow Christ being a “rainy day way” — one acquainted with sorrow and grief, which reminded me of Julie Miller’s song, “Way of Sorrow.

you’ve been taken by the wind,
you have known the kiss of sorrow,
doors that would not take you in,
outcast and a stranger.
you have come by way of sorrow
you have come by way of tears,
but you’ll reach the destiny
meant to find you all these years,
meant to find you all these years.

The hope we know is informed, even fed, by the rain and the sorrow and all we live through on the way to the empty tomb. Here’s to walking the road together.

Peace,
Milton