Home Blog Page 79

advent journal: people, stay . . .

During the course of the day, this video showed up in the feed of a Facebook friend who lives in California.

If you don’t want to take time to watch the video, it is a promo for a new store Amazon is opening in Seattle in January called Amazon Go that allows you to shop through an app rather than having to stand in a check out line. You sign in with the app when you enter the store, pick out what you want, and then walk out. The app charges your Amazon account. The voice over said it was all possible because of something they call “Just Walk Out Technology.”

The string of comments and replies that followed was more interesting than the video in many ways, with people weighing in on everything from the frightening invasion of technology to whether anyone actually interacts with cashiers in a checkout line to worries about the jobs being lost to warnings about the end of the world. James Corden, host of the Late Late Show, commented, “That’s how I shopped all through high school.”

The layers of humor and concern are certainly there any time we confront a new technology, especially those designed to save time and make life more convenient, neither of which hardly ever seems to actually happen. And the discussions about the value of work, what meaningful work is, and why we should talk about a living wage rather than a minimum are crucial, but none of that is what set me writing tonight.

I want to talk about their catch phrase: just walk out technology.

I’ll start by saying I heard it completely out of context, probably because I’ve heard too many pops songs about walking out or walking away, Renee. To my ears, it felt as though they were taking words that meant one thing and turning them into something else.

Just. Walk. Out.

My gut reaction reminded me I don’t think of just walking out as a positive move. You just walk out because you have had enough, or you can’t take it anymore; you just walk out because you don’t belong or because you want to separate yourself; you just walk out because you are trying to take a stand or you just give up. You just walk out because you don’t what to do other than leave. It’s not safe. It’s not right. It’s over.

My Facebook friend heard the words another way and wrote, “It’s almost as if the quiet narrative is ‘Live efficiently, die alone.'”

I have several friends in Durham who own restaurants, coffee shops, and food trucks. They are good at what they do and intentional about the way they engage their customers, and, if you visit one of their establishments, chances are you will stand in line because it’s worth it. The lines aren’t there by design necessarily, but they are part of the equation because efficiency—as defined by the “just walk out” crowd—isn’t their primary value.

Yes, I understand standing in line to get a great cup of coffee or a killer slice of pizza is different from standing in the supermarket Ten Items or Less line when the three people in front of you are all breaking the limit. And the ten minutes you spend there are not going to do any ultimate damage. The promise of efficiency is overrated; rather than seeing how quickly we can just walk out, what if we began to look for ways to stay, to be present, to just hang out. We too easily let ourselves be content with billiard ball relationships, bouncing off one another as we head off to the next place. Sometimes we are in a hurry, and there is an emergency, but it doesn’t need to be our daily way of life.

As Jackson Browne put it, people, stay just a little bit longer . . . .

advent journal: getting found in the details

In my job as an editor, some days are big picture days and some days are detail days. Today was the latter. I spent most of it making sure certain words were where they were supposed to be, page after page. It’s not the most glamorous work, but one of the reasons I know I’m in the right job is it was boring either, because the details matter. If we get them right (I’m not the only one immersed in this project), then whoever uses the book will have what they need to their job well. So, I suppose another way to look at it is I spent the day doing stuff that matters, even if it was the small stuff.

Once we both got home from work, Ginger and I caught up on This Is Us while we ate dinner (that show does amazing things with details), and then we took the pups for a walk around the town Green, a detail that matters a great deal to them. When I sat down to write, I began by reading The Writer’s Almanac and I found in the details there that today is Willa Cather’smd19140536058 birthday. I love a number of her books, but my favorite by far is Death Comes for the Archbishop, which is the story of two priests who start churches in the American Southwest. More than anything, it is the story of a lifelong friendship, which means it is a story of significant details.

At one point in the story, the Bishop speaks.

“Where there is great love there are always miracles,” he said at length. “One might almost say that an apparition is human vision corrected by divine love. I do not see you as you really are, Joseph; I see you through my affection for you. The Miracles of the Church seem to me to rest not so much upon faces or voices or healing power coming suddenly near to us from afar off, but upon our perceptions being made finer, so that for a moment our eyes can see and our ears can hear what is there about us always.” (50)

“What is there about us always”—the details.

Right now, more days than not, I spend about five hours a day on trains between Guilford and New York. I am fascinated by the conductors because I think their job is somewhat unique. They are in only a few rooms all day, but the rooms keep moving, and the people in the room with them keep changing, and their job is to keep up with who comes and goes and make sure people pay for the trip and get where they are going. Some of them move up and down the train without saying much except, “Tickets, please.” They don’t appear to be looking for anything more than the proper pieces of paper and plastic. Then there are those who focus on faces, who engage in conversation, work the car as though they were responsible for us.

I was on the early train this morning, which means we left New Haven at 6:02. Four guys sat down around me. One had on a Dallas Cowboys hat. When the conductor saw him, she lit up and said, “Now that’s what I’m talking about,” and proceeded to bring the whole section of our car to life. I more often take the later train, which means I leave New Haven at 6:32, and Joe is the conductor.

One morning, after he checked my pass, he took the ticket from the woman sitting next to me and said, “Well—how did it go?”

She smiled. “Okay,” she answered. “He was a little nervous, but he didn’t cry when I left.” Then she looked at me and said, “My little boy started preschool yesterday.”

And Joe remembered the detail. I watch him play similar scenes up and down the car on a daily basis, making sure to see what is there about him always.

We have been conditioned to think getting wrapped up in details means not being able to see the forest for the trees and getting overwhelmed by little things that don’t matter. Tonight, thanks to Willa Cather, the good bishop reminds me that when I see the world through my affection for the world, the small stuff shines with significance. There’s not a bigger picture than that.

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: i get it now

I could blame it on somebody, but I’ll just fess up instead: I’ve watched my share of Hallmark Christmas movies. Though I love a good character-driven, emotional landslide where nothing much happens other than profound sadness, I get hooked waiting for the two people to figure out they were meant for each other and go running back to find one another as the snow falls on Christmas Eve. After you sit through a few of them, you start to believe there’s a lot of love out there.

I know. This is where I turn back on the movies and say neither life nor love is really like that, but I wasn’t just setting the movies up so I could knock them down. I mean I’m the guy who went to lead the music for a midwinter youth retreat the last weekend of January in 1989 and looked across the room and saw Ginger with the folks from Royal Lane Baptist Church in Dallas. We were a few minutes away from starting to sing, but I made time to introduce myself and ask if she was with Royal Lane (“I used to go to church there.”), and ask what she did (she was doing CPE at Baylor Medical Center in Dallas—“I did CPE there.”), and then I spent as much time as I could the rest of the weekend. I got home from the retreat on Sunday afternoon and called her that night and asked her to go with me to see Lyle Lovett at the Caravan of Dreams in Fort Worth the next weekend. I had already bought the tickets as a birthday present for my friend Billy, who was going to drive up from Austin. When she said yes, I called him and said, “I’ll get you something else; I met a girl.”

Lyle was playing on Sunday night. And the church where I was youth minister had a Sunday night service. The plan was I would drive to her apartment in Arlington right after church and we could still make the show. That Sunday, an ice storm hit and church was cancelled, but not the concert or our date. I slid my way in my Toyota Tercel to get her and we started our life together that frozen night. If it had all happened just one month earlier, it would have been an awesome Hallmark movie.

If there was going to be a turn in this post, I suppose this would be the place where I say something about romance not being real love. Maybe another time. Tonight I want to talk about the romance. The way it makes the people in the Hallmark movies take chances, or swallow their pride, or believe something out of the ordinary might happen.

One of our Christmas traditions is watching Scrooged, Bill Murray’s take on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Murray plays Frank Cross, Ebenezer Scrooge as a network television executive, who gets visited by the ghosts and then comes to himself, as they said of the prodigal son, with this speech:

I’m not crazy. It’s Christmas Eve. It’s the one night when we all act a little nicer.
We . . . we smile a little easier. We . . . we . . . share a little more. For a couple of hours we are the people we always hoped we would be. It’s really a miracle because it happens every Christmas Eve. And if you waste that miracle, you’re gonna burn for it. I know. You have to do something. You have to take a chance and get involved. There are people that don’t have enough to eat and who are cold. You can go and greet these people. Take an old blanket out to them or make a sandwich and say, “Here. l get it now.”

That right there is why these movies hook me: the there-I-get-it-now moment, and then that there is time for them to circle back on their mistake, or their stupidity, or their pride and let love get the best of them.

So i’m down to the last paragraph and this really did turn out to be the gospel according to Hallmark. I think I am as surprised as you are. It’s not the whole story, but it’s a good one. Sometimes for love to find us, we have to get out of our own way. Sometimes what we are looking for is right in front of us. Sometimes, when you walk across a room and introduce yourself, it turns into a lifetime. Wait—that’s a different channel . . . .

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: mise en place

Today was one of those days that didn’t have much on the schedule going into it, and yet was filled with unexpected moments I felt I had prepared for, somehow, which sent me back to a fragment of a poem I had hung on to, which I ended up finishing this way. Mis en place is a French cooking term that means, “everything in its place.” So, at the risk of offering a convoluted metaphor . . .

mise en place

before I start cooking
I like to take attendance—
a roll call of ingredients to make sure
they are all present, then I collect
cups and other measurers of various
sizes; I even pull out the recipe,
though I know it by heart . . .
you see where I’m going with this—

yet cooking may not be the best
metaphor since most days don’t
come with a prep list, or a recipe;

still, life suggests some basic
ingredients to help make something
of our days: a heart acquainted
with kindness, a handful of hope
(or two), the commonness of grief,
the comfort of companionship,
the leaven of laughter, a love
that calls us by name, the
open flame of forgiveness,
the broken eggs of grace.

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: this is us

“This is Us”
A Sermon for First Congregational Church of Guilford, UCC
Matthew 11:2-11
December 4, 2016

Back in my days as a high school English teacher, one of my favorite essay questions was to ask them to describe their favorite sidekick in literature. You know what I mean: the one who is always there with the main character. For Don Quixote, it was Sancho Panza. The Great Gatsby had Nick Caraway. Pooh had Piglet. You find them in film and television as well: Lucy had Ethel, Andy Griffith had Barney Fife.

When we come to John the Baptist, it may be tempting to see him in the same light: the sidekick of Jesus. Yet, other than Jesus’s baptism, they aren’t even in the same scene. Yes, John pointed to Jesus as the One We’ve Have Been Waiting For, but he didn’t drop what he was doing and follow along with the others. You remember from Ginger’s sermon last week, John was living in a camel hair suit down by the river, calling people “broods of vipers” and telling them to repent. Where we join the story today, a good bit of time has passed. Jesus has established his own ministry, with his own disciples. John is in prison because the powers that be got tired of being called names and being called out for their oppression. His disciples came with word of all that Jesus was doing—without being arrested, and John sent them to Jesus to ask a question.

Listen now to the account from Matthew’s gospel:

Now when Jesus had finished instructing his twelve disciples, he went on from there to teach and proclaim his message in their cities.

When John heard in prison what the Messiah was doing, he sent word by his disciples and said to him, “Are you the one who is to come, or are we to wait for another?” Jesus answered them, “Go and tell John what you hear and see: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have good news brought to them. And blessed is anyone who takes no offense at me.”

As they went away, Jesus began to speak to the crowds about John:

“What did you go out into the wilderness to look at? A reed shaken by the wind? What then did you go out to see? Someone dressed in soft robes? Look, those who wear soft robes are in royal palaces. What then did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet. This is the one about whom it is written,

‘See, I am sending my messenger ahead of you,
who will prepare your way before you.’

Truly I tell you, among those born of women no one has arisen greater than John the Baptist; yet the least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.” (NRSV)

I have to say I think this is an odd passage for Advent. Here in these weeks before Christmas, as we prepare for the birth of Jesus, shouldn’t we be reading about the angels coming to Joseph telling him to “Fear not!” Isn’t this the time for the Elizabeth and Zacharias to learn of the birth of their son, John, or time for Mary to sing, “Let it Be,” while we wait for shepherds and magi to arrive? Yet, we now have had two weeks of stories that needed to have spoiler alerts: the kid grew up and had quite an impact. Why these stories now?

There’s a Christmas song that begins,

Baby, lying in a manger, slumbering so sweetly
What are you going to be?

Reading these stories of John and Jesus remind us that our journey to Bethlehem is not as much about the baby as it is the person he became. If there were not stories of Jesus as an adult, as the one who fleshed out the love of God until it killed him, we would not need to sing “Away in a Manger.” And as we look at the Love Candle alight in the wreath here at the front, we get a chance to see what love looks like all grown up, on beyond Bethlehem.

John had incarnated a rather fierce gospel. This guy was intense. It struck me this week that to say he was eating wild honey means he had to go into the hive to get food. He was edgy and fearless, to say the least. He had been out in the desert by the Jordan river preaching like the prophets of old, which meant he was speaking truth to power; he was not delicate about it, which got him arrested. Besides his righteous indignation, I’m sure he went through a symphony of emotions evaluating whether or not it had all been worth it, including some doubt about what Jesus was up to. If Jesus was the Messiah, why wasn’t he in trouble with the authorities? He wasn’t who John thought he was going to be, so he sent his people to ask directly, “Are you the One?”

Jesus answers the question rather cryptically: go and tell John what you see and hear, and then he talks about his interactions with individual folks, about his healing work with people. He finishes by saying John is good as they come and he’s not any better than anyone else. Somewhere in the middle of it all, Jesus adds, “Blessed are those who take no offense at me—a better translation is “who are not scandalized by me.”

Why would healing be a scandal?

I’ve been reading Annie Dillard’s book Pilgrim at Tinker Creek over the past week and she used the word scandal, as well, as it relates to Jesus. Listen.

That Christ’s incarnation occurred improbably, ridiculously, at such-and-such a time, into such-and-such a place, is referred to—with great sincerity among believers—as “the scandal of particularity.” Well, the “scandal of particularity” is the only world that I, in particular, know. What use has eternity for light? We’re all up to our necks in this particular scandal. (80)

Yes, we are. We are living with the grief and self-doubt of our own lives; we know what John means by calling us vipers. We are marking the days of Advent like many who have come before us, trying to make meaning of the Incarnation and the birth of Christ twenty-one hundred years later. We are coming to terms with our own need for repentance, and our own desire to know if Jesus is the one in whom we can find hope and healing in our particular time and in this particular place.

From our particular vantage point, we can hear John’s question in another light.

Perhaps from his prison cell John just wanted to know if Jesus was going to keep the promise of his birth, his person, and his calling. As we walk through this particular Advent, is our question any different? We, as Americans, are facing outbursts of racism and sexism and all kinds of hatred that kind of leave us feeling snakes. And we are so wrapped up in our particular problems that we hardly have time to hear that there are no longer any working hospitals in Aleppo, Syria, or that thousands upon thousands are starving in Yemen. And we don’t know what to do about any of it.

The birth of Jesus carries the promise of peace on earth and goodwill to all, and yet it feels like that promise is just as faraway as it was when John first asked Jesus, “Are you the one, or should we look for someone else?”

Does it matter that we follow Jesus, or should we be looking for other options?

Let us listen again to Jesus’s answer: “Go and tell John what you see and hear: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the poor have good news brought to them. And blessed is anyone who is not scandalized by me.”

Jesus wasn’t any less eccentric than John, or any less aware or in touch with all that was wrong with the world, and he was not being simplistic about how to meet the overwhelming need one person at a time. To truly offer healing means to truly be able to see the brokenness and still be able to see that love will have the last word. I think the scandal of Jesus is that it may be easier to believe we are a bunch of snakes who need to keep coming back to the river to repent and say we’re sorry than it is to believe our faith in Christ will give us the strength to keep trusting that God’s love fleshed out in us can change the world. We are not called to be perfect; we are called to be faithful. We are called to be healers: to follow Jesus into the mess of our particular lives and live out love for as long as it takes.

Both John and Jesus call us to see ourselves are we truly are, blemishes, wounds, shortcomings, and all. John preached a baptism of repentance: confess your sins—come to terms with yourself; Jesus preached a gospel of healing: come to terms with how God looks at us. The two are not mutually exclusive, or merely steps in a process, but a joint invitation to a life with God: live in the creative tension of the accurate vision of our brokenness and the truth of our wholeness in Christ. When John baptized Jesus, a voice came out of the heavens saying, “This is my beloved Child, in whom I am well pleased.” Jesus lived out that blessing by healing and reminding us, as Ginger often says, that we are wonderfully and uniquely created in the image of God and oh, so worthy to be loved. Every last one of us. And us is everyone. Every last one. There is no them. Look at Aleppo. Look at Standing Rock on both sides of the water cannon. Look at Washington on both sides of the aisle. Look at Russia. Look at North Carolina. Look at Guilford. There is no them. This is us.

My church family, the Light of Love shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot put it out. We have heard Love call our names are called to be bearers of that light to all who need to hear that love is the last word. And that is every last one of us. Who among us needs a particular healing word or touch this particular week? How will we share the love of Christ in particular? Are we the ones who will do it, or should they look for someone else? Amen.

Peace,
Milton

P.S. You can hear the recording of the sermon here.

advent journal: songs for the journey

As the first week of Advent comes to a close, here are some songs that can help make up a soundtrack for the season. They aren’t necessarily Christmas songs, but they speak to me.

First is Amos Lee’s “Cup of Sorrow.”

I want to drink from your cup of sorrow,
I want to bathe in your holy blood.
I want to sleep with the promise of tomorrow,
I know tomorrow may never come.

Karla Bonoff is one of the song writers whose songs run across many years for me. “Home” is one I keep coming back to.

the people I’ve seen
they come in between
the cities of tiring life
the trains come and go,
but inside you know
the struggle will soon be a fight

and home sings me of sweet things
my life there has it’s own wings
to fly over the mountains
though I’m standing still

This past summer, as I mentioned earlier, I spent a week with Steve Earle and Shawn Colvin at Camp Copperhead, a songwriting camp. Here’s my favorite song from their collaborative record, Colvin and Earle called “Tell Moses.” The last verse says,

Ferguson, Missouri, people in the streets
hands above their head standing up to the police
waiting for a hero to step into the breach
‘ain’t nobody coming so it’s up to you and me

tell Mary, tell John
say the hourglass is empty and the judgment day has come
tell preacher, farmer Brown
say Joshua’s blown his trumpet and the walls are comin’ down
sell sister, brother too
tell them where they’re gonna meet us and what we’re gonna do
tell Steven, tell Shawn
there’s a message in the music, everybody sing along

water is wide, milk and honey on the other side
water is wide, milk and honey on the other side
water is wide, milk and honey on the other side
keep on traveling along

Thanks to my summers at camp with the folks from Wilshire Baptist Church in Dallas, I learned of David Ramirez and his song “Find the Light.”

I wish upon you an easy life
I wish upon you hard times
I hope you know that both joy and pain
each need their moment to shine
I wish you ears that are quick to listen
that you’re slow to use that tongue
but most of all I wish upon you love
as the sun sets the moon begins to rise
so even in the darkness you’ll find the light

Following the light, I’ll move to a song called “There’s a Light” on Emmylou Harris‘s record, “Light of the Stable.” The song was written by Beth Nielsen Chapman.

there’s a light, there’s a light in the darkness
and the black of the night cannot harm us
we can trust not to fear for our comfort is near
there’s a light, there’s a light in the darkness

I was with some friends not long ago who reminded me of another of Beth Nielsen Chapman‘s songs, “How We Love,” which feels like a good closing song.

life has taught me this
everyday is new
and if everything is true
all that matters when we’re through is how we love
faced with what we lack
some things fall apart
but from the ashes new dreams start
all that matters to the heart is how we love
how we love, how we love
with the smallest act of kindness
in a word, a smile, a touch
in spite of our mistakes
chances come again
if we lose or if we win
all that matters in the end is how we love

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: limited perspective

limited view

Somewhere in the soundtrack
of my life these words broke in:
“the things we are bounded by
make us capable of excellence.”
Not bound like a prisoner—
shackled—but bounded,
perhaps even boundaried:
put the rails up on the lane
and we all throw more strikes.

Freedom, at its finest is more
than being fenceless; love has
bounded us together to bring
out the best in one another,
even as we become a smaller
fraction of the whole of
humanity with every second.
I’m a flickering light in a tiny
room; yet from my window
the stars are flickering, too,
bounded by the night sky.

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: one particular evening

I know. It’s still the first week of Advent and I have already missed a day writing. I have a good reason: I went to see Billy Joel at his monthly concert in Madison Square Garden. Last night was his thirty-fifth show, and my first in the Garden.

Last Christmas, Ginger and our friend Jay gave me tickets—for a show on January 7, 2016. Later that afternoon, my mother called to say she was going in the hospital and my brother and sister-in-law were on their way to help. I got there at the first of the year, as she was going into hospice. Needless to say, we didn’t make the concert. She died on January 15, three days after her eighty-fourth birthday.

Jay was able to return the tickets and bank the money with the ticket agency and I started looking at a time to reschedule. Last night we finally made it. He sang for nearly three hours and I sang most of it right along with him—me and 18,000 of my closest friends.

The last song he sang before his encore was piano man. We could see it coming when he strapped on the harmonica holder. As he came to the last chorus, the house lights came up so we could all see ourselves, Billy stopped singing and let us take the vocals:

sing us a song, you’re the piano man
sing us a song tonight
‘cause we’re all in the mood for a melody
and you’ve got us feeling alright . . .

He picked up the closing piano part, we all cheered, and couldn’t help but wonder what it felt like to realize a song he wrote almost forty-five years ago had brought him to that particular moment: a moment he was built for.

Annie Dillard wasn’t at the concert, but she’s been talking particulars as I have been reading Pilgrim at Tinker Creek this week. I mentioned her “tree with the lights in it” a couple of days ago; she also described an encounter with a puppy that pulled her into the present tense. And then she said,

I had thought, because I had seen the tree with the lights in it, that the great door, by definition, opens on eternity. Now that I have “patted the puppy”—now that I have experienced the present through my senses—I discover that, although the door to the tree with lights in it was opened from eternity, as it were, and shone on that tree eternal lights, it nevertheless opened on the real and present cedar. It opened on time: Where else? That Christ’s incarnation occurred improbably, ridiculously, at such-and-such a time, into such-and-such a place, is referred to—with great sincerity among believers—as “the scandal of particularity.” Well, the “scandal of particularity” is the only world that I, in particular, know. What use has eternity for light? We’re all up to our necks in this particular scandal. (80)

One of the reasons I love live music or theater or pretty much anything is it matters that you are there in the moment. Stuff happens that isn’t recorded or ever duplicated. If you wanted to experience it, you had to be in that particular place at that particular time. Like last night when, in the middle of “In the Middle of the Night” Billy and the band broke into a cover of “Take it Easy” and sang the whole song. Just for fun. And I was in that particular room on that particular night to see it.

I have been at concerts where I was moved by an artist’s performance, only to buy the record later and find I didn’t really like the music. There was just something about being in the room, being in the moment—that particular moment. The reason stories carry truth better than statements is because they are about a particular someone in a particular place, whether it’s Scout, or Holden Caulfield, or Stephen Kumalo, or Daisy Buchanan, or Mary figuring out how to give birth in a barn.

Richard Rohr writes,

When you start with the specific, you have a beautiful doorway to the universal. On the other hand, when you start with universal theories, it makes it very hard to ever get back to respect for the particular. In fact, you tend to find a reason to see that the particular is never good enough. It is always flawed and imperfect. There is inevitably a reason why this particular person or thing cannot be included, because it is seen to be abnormal, poor, broken, leprous, sinful, or unorthodox. Look at our Christian history: it seems to have been a nonstop search for who is unworthy and who does not belong. What a horrible waste of energy. 

The particular pulls us into the present and pulls us towards one another. As Rohr says, we do damage to one another when we deal in labels and concepts, when we think truth lives in the propositional rather than the personal. Look at Genesis: creation moves from the swirling universe, focusing closer and closer, getting more and more particular, until everyone and everything is named. At the end of his all-wrestling match, Jacob grabs the stranger and says, “Tell me your name.” Make it particular. Then he wouldn’t let go until he got a blessing; and he walked home with a limp.

Listen to Billy Joel and you hear how the particular creates a place for everyone:
Anthony works in a grocery store, saving his pennies for Sunday . . .
Brenda and Eddie were still going steady in the summer of ’75 . . .
Come on, Virginia, don’t make me wait . . .
I’ve seen the lights go out on Broadway . . .
I’m in a New York state of mind . . .
It’s nine o”clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in. . . .

As I try to listen for any hopeful sounds in the blasting white noise that passes for public discourse these days, I am reminded that the voice of God, and the voices that sing harmony with the divine, don’t need megaphones or manipulation. As I write, the image that comes to mind is just after the giant angel chorus has excelsis deo’d the shepherds to the manger and the sky is a little less crowed and a bit more starlit, but a couple of voices remain to sing in the background:

don’t go changing to try and please me
you’ve never let me down before
don’t imagine you’re too familiar
and I don’t need you anymore
I would not leave you in times of trouble
we never could have come this far
I took the good times I’ll take the bad times
I take you just the way you are

Everybody sing along . . .

Peace,
Milton

P.S. I found a recording from last month’s concert at the Garden. Here is “Piano Man.”

advent journal: will you find me

One of my early sixtieth birthday presents happened this summer when I got to go to Camp Copperhead, which is Steve Earle’s songwriting camp. Since he and Shawn Colvin put out a record together this year, she was there as well. There are many stories to tell of the week, but tonight I want to share the lyrics to a song I wrote while I was there. I suppose I should say I completed it, since I had carried some of the words around for a long time. They seem like a good offering tonight. I will work on getting the melody where you can here it another time.

will you find me in the dying of the day
and remind me what I have to keep and what to throw away
the words that I can lean on when there’s nothing left to say
will you find me in the dying of the day

will you find me in the darkness and the doubt
and remind me what I have to hold as I feel tossed about
show me what flickers in the shadows that never will go out
won’t you find me in the darkness and the doubt

Lord have mercy Christ have mercy
can we still sing if hope is ground to dust
Lord have mercy Christ have mercy
I’m not looking for dead certain
I only need to trust

that you’ll find me when the battle has been lost
and remind me I am on your side no matter what the cost
stoke the fire that burns inside my heart to stand the killing frost
will you find me when the battle has been lost

oh, will you find me . . .

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: books, bells, and bicycles

Writing everyday for Advent means reading everyday; if I have any hope of saying something fresh, it will be with the help of traveling companions willing to let me borrow their words. I have seldom had a plan for what I would read. I wander the house, or a bookstore, looking for the volume that looks packed and ready to travel. This year, I have to give a nod to my friend Sid, because I picked up his favorite book after hearing him mention it, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard. I’ve read it before, but when it caught my eye on our bookshelf, I decided it was time to get reacquainted.

That the book speaks to me is interesting because I am not much of a naturalist nor a hiker. I couldn’t name more than a dozen or so plants by name, other than vegetables or herbs, and I have no desire to go camping. Yet, when Dillard writes about what she sees, she has a way of offering her vision, of using words of passion and insight that let me see as well and set me to thinking.

I squint at the wind because I read Stewart Edward White: “I have always maintained that if you looked closely enough you could see the wind–the dim, hardly-made-out, fine debris fleecing high in the air.” White was an excellent observer, and devoted an entire chapter of The Mountains to the subject of seeing deer: “As soon as you can forget the naturally obvious and construct an artificial obvious, then, you too will see deer.” (17-18)

I’ll admit: I had to look up “artificial obvious.” I thought I understood, but I got hung up on the word artificial, which mostly means not real or fake. She is talking about something other than real, but in a different sense. The natural obvious would be to say, “There is the forest. Can you see the trees?” The artificial obvious is to see the less apparent, to learn to see the things you weren’t looking for. To use an illustration I have used before, if I ask, “Have you seen any read bicycles?” You might realize you had not, but you might also begin to create an artificial obvious that would let you see pretty much nothing but red bicycles for the next week.

The Advent journey calls us to create an artificial obvious that would allow for God to be incarnate in a baby born in a barn, for shepherds and magi to find him by following stars and singing angels, and for the child to grow up to be more than we could have imagined. It’s what Madeleine L’Engle called “the Glorious Impossible.” When the angel showed up in Joseph’s house and frightened him nearly to death, the point of the visit was an invitation to a new obvious. The child was not simply a problem pregnancy; he was Emmanuel: God With Us. After than night, all Joseph could see was God on a Red Bicycle.

Dillard talked about another book she found by chance: Space and Sight by Marius von Senden. The book tells the stories of those who gained their sight when safe cataract operations first became possible. She recounted the words of one girl, sighted for the first time, who said she saw “the tree with the lights in it,” and that sent her looking for the artificial obvious that would allow her to see it.

Then one day I was walking along Tinker Creek thinking of nothing at all and I saw the tree with the lights in it. I saw the backyard cedar where the mourning doves roost changed and transfigured, each cell buzzing with flame. I stood on the grass with the lights in it, grass that was wholly on fire, utterly focused and utterly dreamed. It was less like seeing than like being for the first time seen, knocked breathless by a powerful glance. The flood of fire abated, but I’m still spending the power. Gradually the lights went out in the cedar, the colors died, the cells unflamed and disappeared. I was still ringing. I had been my whole life a bell, and never known it until that moment I was lifted and struck. (33-34)

Her last sentence struck me: I have been my whole life a bell . . . and it took me straight to the chorus of Leonard Cohen’s song, “Anthem”:

ring the bells that still can ring
forget your perfect offering
there is a crack in everything
that’s how the light gets in

The artificial obvious of Advent is the striking resonance of the Incarnation that let the shepherds hear the multitude of angels singing, that cracked the door in the innkeeper’s heart, and that let Mary break out singing words of wisdom, “Let it be.” We are still ringing, cracks and all. We are the people with lights in us.

Since I was taking my brother and sister-in-law to the airport yesterday, I didn’t get our tree up, as we try to do on the first Sunday in Advent. (I should add we have only made that deadline once or twice in our marriage.) Tonight when I get home, I plan to make my way out to the storeroom in the barn and bring in our tree with the lights in it: an artificial tree with the lights built in, since neither of our allergies do well with live pines in the house. Ginger and Rachel then take over the decorating, pulling out ornaments we have carted around for years, each with its own obvious to reveal. This year, I won’t be getting the bear ornament my mother has sent annually for most all of my adult life. Perhaps, somewhere along the way, I’ll see a red bicycle instead.

Peace,
Milton