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lenten journal: specifically

One of the cool things I got to do this week was be a part of the book launch for David Finnegan-Hosey’s new book, Christ on the Psych Ward, which I had the honor of editing. A group of about
fifty gathered at Potter’s House in Washington DC and heard David interviewed by Mike Stavlund, a fellow author and a friend. In the process of the interview, Mike commented on a particular sentence from the book where David wrote, “I was saved by specific people doing concrete things.”

The rich theological and relational truth of his words sent my mind to one of my favorite scenes from The Breakfast Club—the makeover scene—when Allison asks Claire, “Why are you doing this?” and Claire answers, “Because you’re letting me.”

The risk in relationship goes both ways. Sometimes is may even feel more difficult to be saved than it is to do the saving. Either way, it happens in both words and actions—in concrete things.

specifically

the time you left a note
the night you drove me home
the way you call to check on me
the time you paid my bill
the day you came to see me
when you picked up the phone
long after it was dark
when you listened
when you called me out
when you stood with me
at the funeral
the time you said you loved me
and the time after that
when you sat with me
and said nothing
the gift in the mailbox
the food in the fridge
when you laughed at my jokes
the time I cried and you did too
when I forgot what mattered
and you forgave me
the night you called
and said you needed help
love leaves fingerprints
on every surface

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: career opportunity

I spent the past week in Durham, North Carolina and then took the train to Washington DC for the book launch of Christ on the Psych Ward by David Finnegan-Hosey. I rode the train home today in the snow—our fourth Nor’easter in three weeks. One forecast I read said we could get from 4-12 inches of snow. It reminded me of something my father used to say, in jest, to my brother and me when we were in high school. My memory became a short poem.

career opportunity

be a weatherman,
my father used to say,
they are wrong everyday
and they never get fired.

if being wrong everyday
is the qualification
I’ve been a weatherman
all of my life—rain or shine.

Some things we can see coming, but life is more surprise that schedule. Stay warm, friends.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: weather report

weather report

sometimes I learn things
from my experience
tonight I carried
in the wood so it
would be dry enough
to burn if the heat
goes out in the storm

I bought the wood after
the last nor’easter
buried our log pile
under a foot of snow
it is still buried
sometimes I learn things
from my experience

there is a stack of things
buried under the
days gone by that could
question any claim
I might make to
enlightenment—so I’ll say
sometimes I learn things

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: snakes on a plain

I am going to be preaching several times at the First Church of Christ, Congregational of East Haddam, Connecticut over the next few weeks as they line up an intentional interim and begin looking for a new pastor. It is a lovely congregation. I got to preach there a couple of times last summer. Here is my sermon from this morning, drawing from Numbers 21:4-9 and John 3:14-21.

“Snakes on a Plain”

I must start with a disclaimer this morning: I hate snakes. Everything about them. They scare me.

I grew up in Africa, where my parents were missionaries, and I was deliberately taught to be afraid of and stay away from snakes—and for good reason. Most of the snakes we were around were deadly poisonous. I say all of that because our first reading this morning from Numbers 21 is about snakes. I am happy someone else is reading it. But before she comes to do so, I want to give you a little bit of background. The defining story for the Hebrew people is the Exodus, when God freed them from slavery and led them out of Egypt. But then they spent forty years wandering in the desert of the Sinai peninsula. Moses and his brother Aaron were their leaders. Life was unsettled and transitory. They were still figuring out who they were as a people, since that they were no long defined by their enslavement. Then Aaron died, leaving only Moses. So, yes, the people were whiny about their situation, but they were also grieving. Listen to the story.

From Mount Hor they set out by the way to the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom; but the people became impatient on the way. The people spoke against God and against Moses, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we detest this miserable food.” Then the Lord sent poisonous serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many Israelites died. The people came to Moses and said, “We have sinned by speaking against the Lord and against you; pray to the Lord to take away the serpents from us.” So Moses prayed for the people. And the Lord said to Moses, “Make a poisonous serpent, and set it on a pole; and everyone who is bitten shall look at it and live.” So Moses made a serpent of bronze, and put it upon a pole; and whenever a serpent bit someone, that person would look at the serpent of bronze and live. (Numbers 21:4-9)

Our Gospel reading from John 3 is part of Jesus’ encounter with Nicodemus, a Pharisee—a Jewish religious cleric—who came to see Jesus one night to ask questions because he was trying to figure out who Jesus was, and what Jesus was up to. Jesus was doing things that looked like things God would want done, but he didn’t act like the God Nicodemus imagined. In his answer, Jesus referenced the story from Numbers. Listen. Jesus is speaking:

“And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life. For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. Indeed, God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Those who believe in him are not condemned; but those who do not believe are condemned already, because they have not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed. But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God.” (John 3:14-21)

In the middle of Jesus’ words you heard one of the most well-known Bible verses of all: John 3:16—“For God so loved the world that God sent God’s only son that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” But before we go to those words, let’s look at why Jesus talked about snakes to Nicodemus.

Life for the Hebrew people was a mixed bag after they left Egypt. They were no longer enslaved, which was great, but they were nomads. They had no home, no place to go. They lived in the desert, so food was not easy to find. Yes, God sent manna from heaven every morning, but God sent manna from heaven EVERY morning. The menu didn’t change. Life didn’t seem to be changing. Whatever was coming next never seemed to arrive. Then Aaron, one of their two beloved leaders, died. They began to lose hope, even to the point of wondering if God had brought them out of Egypt as some sort of cruel joke. Uncertainty. Difficulty. Failure. Tragedy. Grief. Sound familiar?

And then came the snakes.

God told Moses to make a bronze sculpture of a snake and put it on a tall pole where everyone could see it. If those who were bitten would quit looking at the ground and look up at the bronze snake, they would be healed. They would live.

Jesus and Nicodemus both knew that story. It was at the heart of their Jewish faith. Though Jesus was a long way from being crucified when he talked bout being “lifted up,” by the time John’s gospel was written, the read the words as an allusion to Jesus being “lifted up” on the cross was reasonable, but what kind of cross are we talking about?

God told Moses to make the snake so people could look at it and be healed. If I am lifted up, Jesus said, I will bring healing. The cross is not about punishment, or judgment, or payment of a debt. It is about healing. About life.

Jesus goes on to talk about judgment, or at least that is how the word has been translated, but the Greek word is krisis. Sound familiar? It is the root of our word crisis—a decisive moment, a turning point. The crisis of the snakes caused the Hebrews to look up at the sculpture, to trust the promise of God’s presence, or to get so mired down in the snakes that they saw nothing but fear and death. God’s love made flesh in the lifting up of the Jesus, the visible sign of God’s grace poured out for the world, creates a crisis, a turning point, a decisive moment for us—a receive God’s redemptive, life changing love. We can get lost in the heaviness of life or we, too, can look to Jesus for hope and healing.

If we took time this morning to name all of the things that burden our hearts, to talk about the pain we live with, to talk about our friends and loved ones who are hurting, to talk about parts of the world that are enduring unimaginable suffering, we would be overwhelmed by sadness. Maybe that’s how you feel today. You hear the story of the snakes and you think, “I know just how they feel.” We aren’t going to tell all our stories out loud, but we can bring them to the Table. We come to the Communion Table together to remember Jesus’ words to his disciples on the night before he was executed.

“This is my body, which is broken for you,” he said to those gathered.

“This is my blood poured out for you,” he told them. “As often as you do this, remember me.”

Remember. There is a centrifugal force to life that pulls us all apart. There is not a person here who is not touched by tragedy or difficulty. If we listen to the news for longer than a few minutes, it looks like our country is coming apart at the seams. We are reminded everyday that life isn’t fair.

And we come to the Table again in this decisive moment to choose to re-member ourselves—to put ourselves back together in Jesus’ name, rather than be bitten by bitterness. We lift Jesus up here at the Table and to find healing once again. If we get to a place where we cannot imagine that God comes bringing love rather than punishment we will get lost in our despair and confusion because all we can see are the snakes on the ground. And so we need to also remind one another that God’s love is the last word. We need to tell the story again: for God so loved the world . . . . Amen.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: telling time

When it comes to the weekends where we spring forward and fall back, acting as though we can set time and tell time and save time, I think about youth camp years ago in Texas. One of the kids in the youth group lamented that we had to get up so early in the morning—breakfast was at 8. We had a day full of activities and we needed to be up. I couldn’t change that. So I just changed the clock to Camp Standard Time and, since it was before smartphones, I had everyone set their clocks and watches ahead four hours. We had breakfast at noon, lunch at four, dinner at ten, and our evening activities finished up about 3 am.

The sunrises and sunsets that week were nonplussed. They came and went as they pleased. The stars followed their regular routes across the skies. We did nothing but pander ourselves with an illusion of convenience and control. And then we got on the busses and went home.

We can’t save time, or tell time, or even set time, but we can remember, as Tom Waits sings,

and it’s time time time, and it’s time time time
and it’s time time time that you love
and it’s time time time . . .

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: a wrinkle in my heart

I was in fourth grade at Lusaka International School. My teacher was Mrs. Reedy. One day she came to class with a new book called A Wrinkle in Time and she said she would read to us at the end of the day if we finished our work. All it took was one afternoon of the story—a novel that actually begins, “It was a dark and stormy night . . .”—and we were hooked. We hit the door in the morning asking what we had to get done so she would read to us. I fell in love with the story, I fell in love with books, and I felt connected to Madeleine L’Engle. She was a writer who made physics sound like poetry, who made big things seem small and small things seem big. She started me thinking about time, about life, and about faith in ways no one else did.

I love that story and I love my memory of that story.

When I was a youth minister in Fort Worth, twenty years later, I discovered L’Engle’s theological writings and I wrote her a letter and sent it to her publisher. “Dear Madeleine,” I said, “You have been a friend of mine for a long time, though you don’t know it.” I told her about Mrs. Reedy and about her writings and about me. A few weeks later, I got a letter back, typed with a handwritten signature, and, for awhile, she and I corresponded until I received a form letter after her husband Hugh died. “He became ill at Epiphany,” she wrote, “and he died just after Pentecost,” instead of saying he got sick in January and died in May. Her sentence inspired me to learn how to tell time differently.

Though I had a couple of near misses, I never got to meet her. I have read most all of what she wrote, and most of it more than once. There are several of her books that I return to again and again, Wrinkle being at the top of the list. I love that story. And now there’s a big budget movie version of it coming out and I don’t know how to respond.

I’ve have spent some time on this dark and stormy night reading reviews and watching the trailer of the movie that opens this weekend. The director sounds like someone who loves and values the story. She has worked hard to honor it. That’s not my issue. I get hung up at the clip in the trailer when Mrs. Which, the character played by Oprah says, “Be a warrior.” That has never been the heart of the story to me. Someone will probably write back and give me the page number where she says that line, but that’s not my point. There’s a difference between struggle and war. Meg and Charles Wallace struggle to find their father, they stand up against the evil force, but it’s not war. War answers violence with violence; the power that sustains in the story I remember is love.

My point, however, is not to criticize the movie, as much as it is to be thankful for the book. As one of the characters says,

A book, too, can be a star, “explosive material, capable of stirring up fresh life endlessly,” a living fire to lighten the darkness, leading out into the expanding universe.

I learned that, first, in fourth grade. Because of Mrs. Reedy, I have a story that has marked my life for over fifty years. It is not an exaggeration to say A Wrinkle in Time helped to shape me, to make me Milty. And I am definitely not a warrior.

A quote I carry from one of the other Books That Shaped Milty, The Little Prince, says,

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.

I hold Wrinkle in my heart. I think I’ll read it again instead of going to the movie.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: soundtrack for the storm

Quinn, the storm, has been making its way across America and gets to the East Coast early tomorrow morning, which set me thinking about storm songs, mostly from a metaphorical sense. I couldn’t help but begin my soundtrack for the storm with Kris Kristofferson’s cover of Bob Dylan’s “Quinn the Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)”

Dougie MacLean is a Scottish songwriter who wrote one of my favorite storm songs, “I Am Ready for the Storm,” which he sings here with Kathy Mattea.

Somewhere in searching for storm songs, I remembered Julie Miller’s wonderful song, “By Way of Sorrow,” which is covered here by Lucy Kaplansky.

And Patty Griffin sings of weathering life together in “Little Fire.”

John David Souther sings about the “Little Victories” we all need to survive.

And I’ll close my song list with a hopeful word from Mark Heard: “In the eye of the storm, the friends of God suffer no permanent harm”–and that includes us all.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: spring training

spring training

south of here the boys of summer are planting
the seeds of spring, thawing out their throwing arms,
weeding out errors, practicing and pitching,
stealing a little extra daylight each evening
before the month is out they will teach us, again,
how to tell time, how to make a moment last forever,
how to fail gloriously in this story of hope and heartbreak
of what almost was and what still might be . . .
there is gospel in those grandstands and forgiveness
in those fields—ye who are weary come home

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: once again, with feeling

First Annual. There’s no such thing. You can have a “first” something—an inaugural event—but it isn’t “annual” until there is at least a second one. You may intend for it to happen every year from the very first time you do it, but it’s only annual when it has happened before.

On Friday, March 3, 1989, I had no idea I was beginning an annual tradition, or that I was even a part of an annual event. What I did know was I was dating an amazing woman and I wanted her to know how amazing I thought she was. So I showed up at her apartment with flowers, a CD, and a theology book, and a card that said, “I’ve never been able to give flowers, music, and a theology book to someone I dated before.” I don’t know how I remembered March 3 the next year, other than it is the day after my parents’ wedding anniversary, but I did remember and it became known as The Day of Gifts for No Reason.

A couple of months ago, Lila, our middle Schnauzer, got out of the yard. I was walking up and down the street calling her name when a woman shouted for the end of the block, “Are you looking for a little black dog?”

“Yes,” I said.

“She’s on the Green.” I ran up to the end of the block, because that’s where the Town Green begins, to see Lila walking the sidewalks in the exact same pattern we follow when we walk her in the evenings. She loves to walk more than anything. She didn’t run away, she just took the chance to do what mattered most. When I called her name, she came running to me, happy as she could be.

One this March 3, I followed the path I have come to know well. I brought Ginger peach roses and purple irises, Couldn’t Keep It to Myself: Wally Lamb and the Women of York Correctional Institution, a book of essays written by women incarcerated here in Connecticut and Magdelene: Poems by Marie Howe, and tonight we are going to see Lyle Lovett and Shawn Colvin in a rare acoustic show up in New London, which counts as the music part of the ritual this year.

In my book, Keeping the Feast: Metaphors for the Meal, I said that ritual was “meaningful repetition.” We do things again and again because it matters that we do them because they remind us of bigger things. The Twenty-Ninth Annual Day of Gifts for No Reason is far more than than flowers and music and books. It has become, for me, an offering of gratitude. How amazing that I have gotten to do this for twenty-nine years.

Not long after we married, I wrote a song called “Well-Worn Love,” imagining a couple who had spent their lives together. I had no idea what I was talking about, other than imagining that love adds layers of meaning as it grows in years and as the rituals are repeated.

he pours her coffee like every morning
she kisses his nose as she passes
his hair is much thinner than back when they started
and she did not always wear glasses

she smiles with her eyes as he butters his bread
they talk about what’s in the news
he heads for the garden she gathers the laundry
and life feels familiar and true

and this is the story of two common hearts
who started out young and grew old
they have practiced a lifetime the waltz of a well-worn love

he takes her hand coming out of the movie
they stop at a sidewalk café
he finds her a chair that is next to the window
‘cause he knows she likes it that way

she smiles with her eyes at the things he remembers
she touches the side of his face
the moments they share in the balance of time
are the heart of redemption and grace

and this is the story of two common hearts
who started out young and grew old
they have practiced a lifetime the waltz of a well-worn love

she wears the ring that he put on her hand
some forty five years ago
and time is defined by the lines of the love they know

winter comes early with how shadows and snowfall
who knows how long it will stay
so he pours her coffee like every morning
‘cause he knows she likes it that way

and this is the story of two common hearts
who started out young and grew old
they have practiced a lifetime the waltz of a well-worn love

Twenty-Ninth Annual. Thank God.

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: of birds and bluebonnets

Late Monday afternoon, Ginger and I drove to New Haven so I could have an MRI. The asymmetrical nature and rapidity of my hearing loss over the last year caused my audiologist to send me to an ENT doctor, who decided to do the scan just to make sure we weren’t dealing with tumors or blockages. The folks at Yale Medical Center were helpful and encouraging. Ari, the person who operated the MRI machine was compassionate and aware that small spaces are not my favorite, to say the least. I laid down on the platform with my head in a sort of dish and then they put a mask over my face—that was the hardest part. Then she stepped away and the bed slid back into the tube and the noises began. Big noise. Like she had a jackhammer and I was lying underneath the pavement.

I decided I could think about being stuck in the tube or think of something else. The mask gave me a reason to imagine myself as a Storm Trooper, so, for the seventy minutes I was trapped in the noise and the nearness, I let myself get lost in space. When it was over, Ari said, “You should hear something in a day or two.” And I went on my way.

I called once yesterday and was told they didn’t have the results yet. They called today about one o’clock. “The test was normal,” she said. “The doctor says you can go on with your hearing aids.” I hung up the phone and realized I was more relieved than I had expected. Whatever is going on with my ears, it’s not something that will require brain surgery. I am grateful. And I am still left without any sense of why my hearing is deteriorating. I still have lots of questions and I don’t know who to ask.

I thought about Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount when he says,

Therefore, I say to you, don’t worry about your life, what you’ll eat or what you’ll drink, or about your body, what you’ll wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds in the sky. They don’t sow seed or harvest grain or gather crops into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth much more than they are? Who among you by worrying can add a single moment to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? Notice how the lilies in the field grow. They don’t wear themselves out with work, and they don’t spin cloth. But I say to you that even Solomon in all of his splendor wasn’t dressed like one of these.

Since the demise of the Writer’s Almanac, I have taken it upon myself to post poetry on my Facebook page as close to daily as I can get. This morning, before the test results and my recollection of Matthew 6, I posted “This Day” by Jimmy Santiago Baca.

This Day

I feel foolish,
like those silly robins jumping on the ditch boughs
when I run by them.
     Those robins do not have the grand style of the red tailed hawk,
     no design, no dream, just robins acting stupid.
They’ve never smoked cigarettes, drank whiskey, consumed drugs
as I have.
     In their mindless
     fluttering about
     filled with nonsense,
          they tell me how they
                love the Great Spirit,
scold me not to be self-pitying,
to open my life
and make this day a bough on a tree
leaning over infinity, where eternity flows forward
and with day the river runs
          carrying all that falls in it.
Be happy Jimmy, they chirp,
Jimmy, be silly, make this day a tree
leaning over the river eternity
and fuss about in its branches.

As I thought about the lilies of the field, I realized I always imagine bluebonnets when I read that verse. If you have never seen a bluebonnet spring in Texas, you have missed one of life’s great beauties. The little wildflowers fill medians, drainage ditches, and pastures for a couple of weeks in March and then they’re gone. They don’t spend their two weeks of glory thinking about how they will die and go to seed. They just do their bluebonnet best and being traffic to a halt with their beauty. With Jimmy’s birds and my memories of bluebonnets, I went back to Jesus’ words and my questions.

Earlier this week, I made the comment to someone that in some ways I dreaded hearing that the MRI was clear because that meant we had no answers for why my hearing is changing. A friend at church, who is a scientist, gently reminded me that a clear MRI would be the best news—and he was right. Well, I guess I was right also because I have a clear MRI and I still have no idea why my hearing is changing. But my choice tonight is to be like the birds and the bluebonnets and relish in the good news. Jesus’ last words in this section of his sermon were

Therefore, stop worrying about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Maybe. And each day has enough joy and hope, whatever the news—so say the birds and the bluebonnets. And today I got good news.

Peace,
Milton