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lenten journal: listen, white people

We worshipped today at First African Baptist Church in Richmond. It was a rich and meaningful service and the people there greeted us with extravagant hospitality. I have stories to tell about our day, but tonight, I am still dealing with feelings brought up by what I have seen while we have been here. Here’s a poem that tries to say some of what is going on inside me.

listen, white people

yeah, I’m talking to me
and to you, too
talking to anyone

who never had to worry
about being followed
stopped or accused

because of the
color of our skin

who never thought
twice about a hoodie
making us a threat

listen right now
we need to listen
do you hear me?

don’t speak of
what the boy might
have done wrong

don’t explain
make excuses or
offer solutions

just listen
listen, listen, listen
for a long time

then, when you speak
speak as an ally
not an expert

Peace,
Milton

lenten journal: when is it time?

Before I stared to write tonight, I scrolled through Facebook to see what folks had been up to today and found this video on a friend’s page. The poet in the video is responding to the shootings in Florida and asks, more than once, “When is it time to talk about it?” His question gave me a way to talk about our day here in Richmond.

We began our morning at the Virginia Holocaust Museum which is housed in an old tobacco warehouse in the Shockoe Bottom area of town, where they sold slaves before they sold tobacco. Matt, one of our tour guides, began by answering our first question: why was there a Holocaust museum in Richmond? His answer was because there were over a hundred survivors who lived in the city and some of them wanted to tell their stories. They showed an introductory film that included testimonies from six of the survivors, one of whom helped to found the museum. One of them talked about remembering flames, not smoke, coming out of the smoke stacks of the incinerators because so many bodies were being burned.

At one point, our discussion turned to the people that lived in the towns where the camps were located—those who went to work and ate their meals and sat on their porches while people were being massacred behind the barbed-wire fences. For years. Matt was intentional about saying he was not trying to demonize anyone, but to point out that we often do nothing when we feel helpless or hopeless.

Hold that thought.

This afternoon we met Dolores McQuinn, a member of the Virginia House of Delegates and former Richmond city council member, who has spent years working to make the Richmond Slave Trail a reality. Between 1830 and 1860, Richmond was the largest source of enslaved people on the East Coast. The Slave Trail marks out where the boats filled with people landed on the James, where they were auctioned, where they were imprisoned and tortured, where they went to church, and where they were buried.

She spoke with passion about the development of the trail, the importance of telling the story, and the ways in which her faith had called her to and sustained her in the work of making the Trail a reality. One of the things she said that made it difficult was that many in Richmond, both black and white, had a hard time telling the story because they felt shame, or felt ashamed.

Let’s go back and pick up the first thought about the people in the towns where the concentration camps were located that said nothing and did nothing. And pick up the thought offered by the poet in the video about school shootings who kept saying, “But we don’t want to talk about it.” In our debriefing tonight after dinner, we talked about how many Holocaust survivors have not wanted to tell their stories, or only began to tell them when they thought they were close to dying because the memories remained too vivid and painful. They waited until it hurt worse to hold it in than it did to express it. Perhaps that is part of the reason we are just now getting around to telling the story of enslaved people, even though the Civil War ended a century and a half ago. And we still don’t appear to be ready to tell the true story of what we did to the Native Americans in the name of our freedom.

The film at the Holocaust Museum had one glaring misstatement. At the beginning, a slide came up and the voice said, “This was the darkest chapter in human history.” No. It was a dark chapter, as was the slave trade. Theodore Roosevelt said comparison is the thief of joy. Perhaps it is also the thief of courage and compassion. Our human story has one dark chapter after another. Since the Holocaust happened, we have watched genocides in Rwanda, the Congo, Sudan, and Kosovo, to name a few. And we have allowed ourselves, as Americans, to keep shooting each other. Our shame and silence continue to feed off of each other.

I saw one post tonight that said a movement was growing among high school students to walk out of school on April 20 and not return until significant gun legislation was passed. I hope the post is accurate, and I hope they do it. I’ll volunteer to tutor as many as I can while they wait for Congress to act.

I’ll bet there were a number of people in the towns where the camps were that smelled the burning bodies and thought it was terrible and that they were helpless to do anything that mattered. They even talked about it at church. If they had had a blog, they might have even written about it. When our descendants look back at us in seventy years, I don’t want to be remembered as a well-intentioned bystander.

Peace,
Milton

P. S. Here is the video I linked to above. It’s worth your time.

lenten journal: hope and heartache

I am writing tonight from Richmond, Virginia where Ginger is leading a group from First Congregational Church of Guilford UCC on our second annual Civil Rights Tour. The inaugural trip went to Birmingham, Selma, and Montgomery, Alabama. This year we are here along the James River in the town that was once the capital of the Confederacy.

This afternoon, we toured The Black History Museum and Cultural Center of Virginia that was filled with stories of those who stood up for their humanity in a number of different ways. One of the staff members told us the story of Henry “Box” Brown, an enslaved man in Richmond who got a friend of his to put him in a wooden packing crate that was three feet long by two feet eight inches deep by two feet wide and send him north to Philadelphia. The trip took twenty-seven hours, but he shipped his way to freedom.

Tonight, we went to the Pine Camp Arts and Community Center, which is run by the city of Richmond, to see the play Free Man of Color by Charles Smith that told the story of John Howard Templeton, the fourth African American man to graduate from the University of Ohio in 1828. The college president, Robert Wilson, is grooming Templeton to go and lead the nation of Liberia. What becomes apparent is Wilson doesn’t want Templeton to stay in America as an equal. Templeton completed his education, but never went to Africa. Instead he started schools in Ohio, Virginia, and Pittsburgh. The play was excellent and the performances were wonderful.

So many of the stories today we heard had notes of triumph, but they came in the middle of a melody of sadness and struggle, as well as hope and tenacity. Small stories that loom large, even though many have never heard them. But to see them as only inspirational is to sell them short. Henry “Box” Brown survived an amazing ordeal, but I couldn’t hear the story without thinking of those who have died in packing containers trying to get across the border. John Howard Templeton was highly educated and yet his degree and mastery of Latin, Hebrew, and Greek did not translate into equality. Today I heard the stories of America. Of humanity.

I feel both hope and heartache after hearing the stories I heard today. How can we be so far into human history and not have learned how to treat each other? How can we be almost two hundred and fifty years into our history as a nation and still be so unwilling to offer liberty and justice for all? Why is it so threatening to those of us born into privilege to think of sharing what we have?

One of the ways to think about Lent is to see it as a march to the Cross. I am not the first to say that one of the ways to look at the Cross is to see it as a lynching. Jesus was killed because he was unabashedly for the poor and marginalized. He knew the privileged lived in a house of cards that God would blow down. The hope of Easter is that the lynching was not the last word.

I believe with all of my heart that it will not be the last word in America either. Sam Cooke was right. A change gonna come.

Peace,
Milton

P. S. Here’s Sam.

lenten journal: just get here . . .

I earned how to read the funny papers from my Dad. That’s what he called the comics. One of the characters who lived in black and white in those days was Dagwood Bumstead, husband of Blondie, and lover of the biggest sandwich you ever saw—everything stacked high, one layer on top of the other.

I thought about that sandwich as Ginger and I were driving from Tarrytown, New York to Richmond, Virginia and I realized I was not going to be able to write my Ash Wednesday post to begin another year of my Lenten Journal, which has been my practice for who knows how many years. I thought of the sandwich because I was thinking of how life right now feels stacked, one thing on top of the other. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day and my regular day to go into New York for work and the day we needed to get to Richmond to prepare for those from our church in Guilford who are coming south for a Civil Rights history tour. I got up at four and packed, caught the five-thirty train to New York, worked, caught a late afternoon train to Tarrytown where Ginger picked up me up, ate a Valentine’s dinner at a cute restaurant on the Hudson River, and then drove as far as we could so we could get up this morning and get to Richmond and prepare for the others. A Dagwood of a day—and it feels like there have been a number of those in a row.

I missed getting to write last night because I find great meaning in my lenten discipline. Over the years it has helped me find focus, distill my thoughts and feelings, and connect with those who read it. And I started my discipline by not doing it. The car was quiet for the last hour or so last night. Ginger had gotten sleepy. The road was not crowded. As I thought about writing, the phrase that hit me is the title of this post: just get here.

The phrase hit play in my mental juke box and I could hear Oleta Adams singing,

you can reach me by railway
you can reach me by trail way
you can reach me on an airplane
you can reach me with your mind
you can reach me by caravan
cross the desert like an Arab man
I don’t care how you get here—just get here if you can

The lyrics landed like grace.

The layers of life are stacking up heavily on far more than me these days. It is hard not to feel sandwiched between pain and pain, over and over again. Our postcard town in Connecticut is still reeling from the accidental death of one of our teenagers. I drove last night as Ginger read news of the shooting in Florida. I could spend the rest of the night writing if all I tried to list even a fraction of all those who are hurting in our world.

In his poem, “The Layers,” Stanley Kunitz asks,

How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?

A few lines later, he offers,

In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
“Live in the layers,
not on the litter.”

I’m sitting in a hotel room in Richmond, a town, like many, that is struggling to come to terms with its layers, getting ready to see what both the layers and the struggle has to say to me and about me and what the conversation might demand of me. Tonight, we got to eat dinner with an old friend and former roommate who lives here—a serendipitous trip back through some layers of my life for which I am deeply grateful. We could have spent the evening talking about the number of years between then and now that we were not in touch. Instead, we told some stories and then dove into the lives we live now, finding new connections and tightening the ties that bind. What mattered most was that we got here.

Lent has begun and I’m a day late—and, even a day late, pushing it to the last hour to get this posted. But I got here. And I will do my best to keep showing up to talk about how things are stacking up.

Peace,
Milton

PS—Take some time to hear her sing . . .

still listening

I preached at my church today. The person who was supposed to be our speaker for MLK Sunday was ill and Ginger and Sarah asked me to fill in. I am sorry she got sick and I am grateful for and humbled by the opportunity to preach today. Here is the manuscript of the sermon. A recording of the sermon will be posted here in the next day or two.

“Still Listening”
1 Samuel 3:1-10
A Sermon for First Congregational Church of Guilford UCC
January 14, 2018

If we mark time by the liturgical calendar, today is the second Sunday of Epiphany, a word that means “awakening,” and points us to the Magi—the wise ones who followed the star to the manger. Because of their encounter with the baby Jesus and their awareness of the damage King Herod wanted to do to the child, they chose to go home by another way rather than playing into Herod’s hand and telling him where the child was.

If we mark time by our American calendar, this is the Sunday when we honor the legacy of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. On the night of January 27, 1956, in the middle of the Montgomery, Alabama bus boycott, Dr. King got a phone call at his home telling him if he didn’t get out of town they were going to blow up his house and kill him and his family. He was twenty-seven years old. He went into the kitchen to pray. And he said he heard a voice call him by name: “Martin Luther, stand up for truth, stand up for justice, and stand up for righteousness.” His epiphany that night led him to lead us and to change how we look at and listen to one another, and, perhaps, to God.

Our text for this morning deals with another call in the middle of the night—this one to Samuel, a young boy to whom God spoke out of the darkness. Let us listen to the story together.

Now the boy Samuel was ministering to the Lord under Eli. The word of the Lord was rare in those days; visions were not widespread. At that time Eli, whose eyesight had begun to grow dim so that he could not see, was lying down in his room; the lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the Lord, where the ark of God was. Then the Lord called, “Samuel! Samuel!” and he said, “Here I am!” and ran to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call; lie down again.” So he went and lay down. The Lord called again, “Samuel!” Samuel got up and went to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” But he said, “I did not call, my son; lie down again.” Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord, and the word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. The Lord called Samuel again, a third time. And he got up and went to Eli, and said, “Here I am, for you called me.” Then Eli perceived that the Lord was calling the boy. Therefore Eli said to Samuel, “Go, lie down; and if God calls you, you shall say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went and lay down in his place. Now the Lord came and stood there, calling as before, “Samuel! Samuel!” And Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.” (1Samuel 3:1-10)

The story from the life of Samuel was one that engaged me as a young boy because I imagined him at my age. I didn’t understand how his mother could have sent him to live in the Temple, but I could see him waking in the night and going to Eli, thinking the old man had called him. “I’m here.”

The drowsy priest said, “I didn’t call you. Go back to bed.” It happened a second time, and then a third. By then, Samuel wasn’t the only one who was awake, and Eli had a sense that more was going on, so he gave Samuel different instructions: “Next time answer, ‘Speak, Lord. Your servant—your follower, your disciple—is listening.’”

Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it. But to actually say to God, “I’m listening”—and mean it—a brave thing to say. God told Samuel to go to breakfast the next morning and let Eli know that his blindness was both a physical reality and a metaphor: he and his sons were going to be punished for their abuse of their office. Not easy news for an eleven-year old to deliver. But he did it.

Shirley Cherry, the Tour Director at the museum in the house where Dr. King and his family lived the night he received that phone call, said, “He had a choice. Dr. King had a privileged life. He didn’t have to do what he did.” Her choice of words jumped out at me: he had a privileged life. He got to study at Boston University. He did have some advantages others did not. Yet, when he came to Durham, North Carolina, just days before he was assassinated, to meet with an interracial group of ministers, they had to meet in the private home of Rev. DeWitt Myers, who was a member of our former church, because there was not a restaurant in town that would allow them to eat together. Yet, she said, he had a choice.

I am a straight, white, male—the trifecta of privilege. And as a straight, white, cisgender male, I am humbled to be speaking on this day when we look again at the legacy of Dr. King, and the call of God on our lives, and see what it means for us, in our time, to answer, “Speak, Lord, for your disciples are listening.”

If you were here last Sunday, you heard Marjorie Colten tell of how she and I figured out that we had met in Zambia when I was about Samuel’s age, I suppose—maybe younger. My parents were missionaries when I was growing up and I lived in Africa until I was sixteen. My stole this morning—which is actually a scarf of the Zambian flag—was a gift from a childhood friend, Wynegood Malunga, His father was the pastor of the church we attended. My heart was grieved by the derogatory and offensive words about Africa and Haiti that came out of Washington this week, not only because I have a deep love for Africa, but also because I want to remind myself that the point of my life is not to make sure I remain a part of a privileged class. Contrary to what some of the voices in our society say, the world does not revolve around me and those who look like me.

When we lived in Durham, I interviewed for a job teaching in an alternative high school for kids who struggled for a number of reasons. All of the staff was white. All of the students were people of color. I had a great interview and spent a wonderful day on campus working with the students, as did one other candidate, who was an African American woman. We were both equally qualified. We both knew we had performed well. And she got the job because she had more in common with the students. They needed to see a mentor who looked like them. A friend in Texas was angered when I told him I didn’t get the job. He felt like I had been cheated somehow, but I did not. Though I would have loved to work there and I think I would have done well there, she was the better choice. I was not wronged or cheated by them choosing her.

There is another, perhaps even more personal way, this passage has affected me, and it has to do with hearing. Some of you know I wear hearing aids. I have worn them for almost seven years. The technology is helpful and frustrating at the same time, because it feels like it amplifies the background noise more than anything else. I have to be mindful of where I sit in a room so I can best hear the speaker. I struggle to understand sales clerks in stores. I say, “Say it again, please” a great deal. It is frustrating, and sometimes embarrassing. In the past year, my hearing has gotten profoundly worse, for reasons I don’t understand—and it frightens me. I can no longer hear my phone ping when I get a text message. I can’t hear the timer go off on the stove. I voiced my fears to my spiritual director and she said, “So what’s the question for you as you deal with this?” We talked a bit more before I could answer, and then I said, “I think the question is, how do I keep listening when I can’t hear?” My life is changing in ways I did not anticipate. My abilities are changing and I don’t want my physical reality to become a metaphor for my life. How, then, do I keep saying, “Speak, Lord, I’m listening”?

Most of us, as members of the United Church of Christ, know our denomination’s slogan, “God is still speaking.” When we hear the stories of Samuel and Martin and their late night calls from God, the truth of our slogan is more disquieting than comforting because we may soon realize that our still-speaking God is in the habit of waking us up night after night to see if we are still listening. The world is changing faster than my hearing, even as the problems of how we live together are as old as humanity. God is still speaking about what is going on in Africa and Haiti, and God is still speaking about poverty in New Haven, and the need for affordable housing in Guilford, and the reality that we live in a state severely divided by race and economics, even though it is easier to point fingers at the South and say it is their problem. God is still speaking about how we are called to do more than agree to disagree, but we are called to compassion and forgiveness and change. God is still speaking and calling us to choose generosity over security, to choose community over individualism, to choose compassion over self-righteousness. We live privileged lives and we have a choice.

God is still speaking and each time God speaks and calls us by name, the question remains the same: are we still listening? Amen.

Peace,
Milton

dress code

I offer an out-of-season weather poem, based on a first line I found in notes for an older version of this poem. Stay warm and dry, friends.

dress code

I dress myself with rain,
shape a hat out of clouds,
make a scarf of the wind,

wrap myself in a coat
of many shadows—
with pockets of light

I know it’s winter—
the frost clings to the
windows like star shine

the low-riding sun slings
its rays across the room,
igniting the dust of hope

that hangs in the air inside,
where I am: caught up
in the weather of my heart

so I dress myself with rain
shape a hat out of clouds,
make a scarf of the wind . . .

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: tell me a story

Many years ago, Ginger asked me to write a story for the Christmas Eve service at North Community
Church in Marshfield, Massachusetts. What came out was “A Faraway Christmas,” which I have posted here on several other Christmas Eves since. When we lived in Durham, I made a recording, along with harmonica accompaniment by my good friend, Terry Allebaugh. Another good friend, Claudia Fulshaw, did the artwork. Two years ago, my mother went into the hospital on Christmas Day and then on to hospice, where she died on January 15, 2016. Terry’s mother died last week. I was not as acquainted with grief when I wrote this story as I am now. I am grateful that it still rings true.

A Faraway Christmas

As we gather together on this Silent Night,
To sing ‘round the tree in the soft candlelight,

From a Faraway Christmas, from time that’s grown cold,
Comes a story, you see, that has seldom been told.

Of all of the legends, the best and the worst,
From Christmases all the way back to the first,

This little tale isn’t often remembered
From then until now, down through all those Decembers.

But I found an old copy tucked away on a shelf,
And I turned through the pages, and I thought to myself,

Of all of the times between now and then,
This is the Christmas to hear it again.

Once upon a time in a place we might know,
‘Cause their woods, like ours, often fill up with snow,

Was a small little hamlet — a Long Ago Town —
Of no great importance, or no real renown,

Filled with people who seemed fairly normal to me,
With names like Francesca, Francine, and McGee.

They had puppies and children, ate bread and ice cream,
They went shopping and swimming, they slept and they dreamed;

They laughed and did laundry, they danced and they dined,
And they strung Christmas lights on the big Scottish Pine

That grew in the square in the middle of town,
And when Christmas was over, they took the lights down.

They read the newspaper, they sometimes told jokes,
And some of the children put cards in the spokes

Of their bicycle tires, so they made quite a din
Till it came time for parents to call the kids in.

Yet for all of the things that kept people together,
The nice festive feeling, the Christmas Card weather,

For all of the happiness one was likely to hear,
This Faraway Christmas was marked, mostly, by fear.

Well, yes, they were frightened — but that’s still overstated;
What bothered folks most really could be debated.

Some were tired (exhausted), some were sad or depressed,
Some — the best way to say it — well, their lives were a mess.

Some felt pressure from not having paid all the bills,
Some were keeping dark secrets that were making them ill;

Some felt guilty and thought they were headed for hell,
But the town seemed so happy, who could they tell?

So everyone kept all their feelings inside,
And wished they had someone in whom to confide,

To say, “Life is lousy,” or “I’ve made a mistake,”
Or “Sometimes I’m so sad I don’t want to awake,”

Or “I miss my Grandma,” or “I loved my cat,”
Or “I never, no never get my turn at bat.”

Everyone kept it in, no one said a thing
Until once Christmas Eve, when the man they called Bing

Came to turn on the lights on the tree in the square
And nobody — not anyone — no one was there,

And he looked at the lights as he sat on the curb
And he said — to no one — “I feel quite disturbed;

“I know that it’s Christmas, when I should feel warm,
But I don’t think this year that I can conform.

It’s been hardly two months since my friend passed away;
How can I smile when he’s not here to say,

“’Merry Christmas’?” he asked and burst into tears,
And all of the sadness from all of the years

Came out of his eyes and ran down his cheeks,
And he thought he would sit there and blubber for weeks.

When Samantha showed up — she had not been expected —
And sat down beside him ‘cause he looked neglected.

He looked up through his tears, she said, “You look kinda bad.”
And he answered, “The truth is I feel really sad.”

When she heard those words, tears jumped straight to her eyes,
“The truth is,” she said, “I tell too many lies.

I want people to like me, so I try to act cool,
But deep down inside I feel just like a fool.”

So they sat there and cried, like a sister and brother,
And were joined by one, and then by another,

With a story to tell and feelings to free,
And they wept and they hugged ‘neath the big Christmas Tree.

Can you imagine how many tears fell,
After all of the years that no one would tell

How much they were hurting, how broken or mad,
How long they had smiled when they really felt sad.

How long does it take to clean out your heart,
To get it all out, to make a new start?

That answer’s not easy to you and to me,
But they found out that night, those folks ‘round the tree.

They cried until daybreak, till the first rays of dawn
Broke over the tree tops and spread ‘cross the lawn,

In the new morning light Bing could see ‘cross square;
He also could see the whole town was out there.

They had come through the night, first one, then another
To sit down together like sister and brother

To pour out their hearts for the first time in years,
And let out their feelings, their sadness, their tears.

Samantha stood up and then turned back to Bing,
“You started us crying, now help us to sing.”

So he started a carol, the one he knew best,
About joy to the world, and it burst from his chest.

The others joined in, not because they weren’t sad,
But because they’d admitted the feelings they had,

Everyone sang along, both the sad and the scared,
Because true friends are found when true feelings are shared.

There’s more to the story, but our time is short,
Of how life was changed I cannot now report,

But instead I must ask why this story’s forgotten;
It’s not hopeless or humdrum, it’s not ugly or rotten.

Do you think it’s because people said how they felt,
And if we tell the story then our hearts, too, might melt?

What if we spoke the truth, what if we named our fears,
What if we loosed the sadness we’ve tied up for years?

Would we ever stop crying, would the dawn ever come?
And like those in the story, once the tears had begun

Would we sit on the curb, first one, then another,
And talk about life like sister and brother.

Oh, that is exactly why I chose to tell
This lost little tale we know all too well.

Our world is no different; we’re frightened and sad,
We feel helpless and hopeless, and certainly mad,

But none of those words is the last on this Night
That we wait for the Child, that we pray for the Light,

That we sing of the good news the angels did bring,
And we wish for peace, more than any one thing.

Yes, this story that came from a Long Ago Town
Of no great importance, of no real renown,

Could be ours, if true feelings were what we would say;
And we’d find such a Christmas not so faraway.

Merry Christmas.
Peace,
Milton

advent journal: moving on to love

When we mark time by the liturgical calendar, we only count and number the four Sundays before Christmas, which means the fourth Sunday—tomorrow—doesn’t have a week to go with it. We have had days to stretch out with hope, peace, and joy, but love get the short shrift, as far as Advent goes. So I decided to start a day early.

My favorite verse of a carol is the third stanza of “It Came Upon A Midnight Clear”:

and ye beneath life’s crushing load whose forms are bending low
who toil along life’s climbing way with painful step and slow

There’s more, but those two lines are the ones that feel most timeless, and the most true. I don’t mean that as a statement of despair, even as I am weighed down by both grief and my depression. I am also aware of the shared grief with many whom I love and the love I feel from those who keep reaching out that is stronger than all of it. The toil and crush are not the final words.

I’ll send you out into the night with a song that has carried me for many years. Andrew Peterson is the songwriter and performer. “After The Last Tear Falls” is the song. I know about it because of my brother.

after the last tear falls, after the last secret’s told
after the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
after the last child starves and the last girl walks the boulevard
after the last year that’s just too hard

there is love—love, love, love
there is love—love, love, love
there is love

after the last disgrace, after the last lie to save some face
after the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
after the last dirty politician, after the last meal down at the mission
after the last lonely night in prison

there is love—love, love, love
there is love—love, love, love
there is love

and in the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again
we’ll see how the tears that have fallen
were caught in the palms of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
and we’ll look back on these tears as old tales

’cause after the last plan fails, after the last siren wails
after the last young husband sails off to join the war
after the last, this marriage is over
after the last young girl’s innocence is stolen
after the last years of silence that won’t let a heart open

there is love—love, love, love
there is love—love, love, love
there is love

and in the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again
we’ll see how the tears that have fallen
were caught in the palms of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
and we’ll look back on these tears as old tales
’cause after the last tear falls there is love

Even in these short days and long nights, there is love. That’s the last word.

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: ellipses

ellipses

I am fighting hard to hope . . .
Well—now I’m staring at the page
hoping to find a different verb.
I’m not looking for a fight.
why let my word choice turn
to violence over things that matter?

I am fighting hard to hope . . .
maybe the problem has more to do
with the subject of the sentence.
hope only happens in concert:
the shepherds flocked together,
and the angels had a choir.

I’m fighting hard to hope . . .
I keep typing those words thinking
they will take a different turn—
I would like not to fight.
I’ll struggle (that’s different, right)
or wrestle or wonder or wait . . .

I look at the page and see a
series of ellipses: “a trailing off
of thought.” but I’m still here
determined to remember
I am not alone in the dark.
I’m fighting hard to hope.

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: highway song

highway song

here is a well-traveled
metaphor: life is a highway
but not an interstate
more of a two-lane blacktop
that hits all the lights
in every small town
an intentional inconvenience
that makes you decide to stop

at one of those roadside cafés
a filling station of the heart
where whoever comes up
to the table is wearing a
name tag and a smile, yet
holds sadness in their eyes
either one is an invitation
to act like you belong here

we are all people who are
driving through the details
lives without express lanes
unable to see around the bend
to the next stop light of sorrow
working our way back home
full of grief and gratitude
following the broken line

Peace,
Milton