don't eat alone

At the end of the last century, Ron Howard directed a movie called “Ed” that tried to take a look at the preposterous idea that people would watch a TV show that was simply filming someone’s everyday life. I don’t know that even Howard understood how prophetic he was, or perhaps even suggestive. One of the powerful messages of the film  was found in the way the camera changed the lives of those being filmed. They acted differently. In the long run, they became caricatures of themselves all because the camera was running and the filmmakers and the viewers were complicit in the transformation. As reality television has increased, so has my sense that most of it is akin to gawking as you drive by an accident.

My disclaimer: I have never watched an episode of Duck Dynasty. I’ve seen the beards and a few clips of the show here and there and have watched Facebook blow up over the last few days because of the statements one of the guys — Phil — made in an interview in Esquire magazine. Beyond what I read and heard, I know nothing about him or his family other than their duck call business is a multi-million dollar operation, at least in part thanks to the show. I know that both A&E and the family involved are making lots of money. And I know Phil has been suspended from the show, even as the cameras keep rolling on the rest of them. I also know reality television is not real at all; it’s contrived. Created. Fabricated. The genre of shows like Duck Dynasty basically make fun of the people they put on film. A&E wants you to think these people are crazy, just as the others do with shows about kiddie beauty pageants and dance recitals. This is the television equivalent of paying a dollar at the carnival to see Jo Jo the Monkey Boy. The controversy is designed to make the news, however briefly, and then to move on to the next spectacle. Facebook will simmer down, Phil will go back to work, and A&E will keep making fun and making money. This morning, the story made it to NPR’s Morning Edition, and I listened as I made coffee, then I went online and found his quotes about gays and African-Americans. To say I disagree with him would be an understatement.

I was just finishing my coffee when I heard a second story this morning, which was not new to me, about Frank Schaefer, a Methodist minister who was defrocked this week for performing the wedding of his son, who is gay. The wedding took place in 2007 in Massachusetts, where equal marriage is legal. When Frank did the wedding, he also knew he was breaking the rules of his denomination. The trial shone a light on the division within Methodism over how to come to terms with the gay and lesbian people in their number.

By now there are thousands upon thousands of people who have thrown in their two cents about Phil and Frank and what the Bible says and what the Constitution says to the point that we have created a cacophony none of us can listen to. Then again, there aren’t that many of us listening; we are all talking. Or shouting. The reason I am writing tonight is because I have a whole slew of people whom I love who are gay and lesbian. I also have a great deal of people who are profession Christians whom I love as well. The two groups overlap quite a bit. I want them to know I am saddened when their existence as human beings requires somehow that they are always introduced with a preceding adjective. I want them to know I don’t think they are broken or tainted or sinful for being themselves. Jesus didn’t call us to keep the rules; he called us to keep each other and remind each other nothing — not death or life or judgment or ecclesiastical councils or reality television — can separate us from the love of God. I’ll let Pierce Pettis take it from here.

That Kind of Love

 

Can’t be bought or sold or faked

That kind of love

Always gives itself away

That kind of love

Wiser than the wisest sage

It’s innocence makes me ashamed

Til I’m not sure I can take

That kind of love

 

Pride and hatred cannot stand

That kind of love

Greater love hath no man

Than that kind of love

Won’t be kept unto itself

Spreads it’s charm, casts it’s spell

No one’s safe this side of hell

From that kind of love

 

Love rejected and ignored

Held in chains, behind closed doors

Stuff of legend and of songs

Deep down everybody longs for

That kind of love . . . oh, that kind of love

 

Some people never know

That kind of love

Though it only takes a child to show

That kind of love

Widows smile and strong men weep

Little ones play at it’s feet

Deaf can hear and blind can see

That kind of love

 

Love triumphant, love on fire

Love that humbles and inspires

No conditions, no restraints

That kind of love . . . oh, that kind of love

 

How could anyone deny

That kind of love

Every heart is measured by

That kind of love

Even stars fall from the sky

Everything will fall in time

Except those things that cannot die

That kind of love

Oh, may you be remembered by

That kind of love

Love that does not hesitate

We are loved, we are loved, we are really, really loved — every last one of us.

Peace

Milton

in the story of america

war is the primary metaphor

we see life as a battle

conquest as a mission

we’re number one, remember?

we live our lives locked

and loaded, ready for battle

our words are bullets

intent on doing damage

in the name of faith and

freedom: we must defend

our right to be right

the cost of the conquest

goes largely unnoticed

we are killing ourselves

yelling ourselves to death

we have chosen a metaphor

that knows nothing of poetry

or compassion, we shoot

and never get to the question:

war — what is it good for?

absolutely nothing

say it again . . .

Peace

Milton

As the son of my father, I love old hymns and gospel music. I’ve done my best to emulate is ability to sing every hymn in worship without having to open a book. One of the results of growing up with those songs in my head and heart is I learned to both love and sing harmony. A good hymn should always have harmony parts. Still, along with all the infectious melodies and inviting harmonies of those old gospel goodies comes a lot of bad theology, namely that heaven is the true reality and this life is nothing but a way station. My favorite example is:

this world is not my home I’m just a-passin’ through

my treasure’s all laid up somewhere beyond the blue

the angels beckon me from heaven’s open door

and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore

 

o Lord, you know I have no friend like you

if heaven’s not my home then Lord what will I do

the angels beckon me from heaven’s open door

and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore

On my way to my favorite coffee shop this afternoon, I heard a story on Here and Now about the Sunday Assembly, a new non-faith movement that defines itself as “a global network of super people who want to make the most of this one life we know we have.” It was started by two standup comedians in Britain who wanted the sense of community “without the God bit.” Their point is not to be atheist, but rather to invite anyone they can to join in. Sanderson Jones said, “We come from nothing and we go to nothing, so we need to make the best of the seventy, eighty, or ninety years of this life we know we have.”

What struck me in listening to the interview was their investment in this life, in these days, in being HERE and not always gazing at the horizon. They don’t see themselves as passing through. This is not a practice life or a transit lounge. This is It. For me, however, what they are describing is not antithetical to my faith because these days on this planet are the ones that matter — because of the baby in Bethlehem.

We’re not playing minor league ball here. If all that mattered was to endure these days so we could get to the Show, why would the Incarnation even be part of the story? Instead, Jesus came to show us what it means to be fully human. When he spoke, he called us to dig deep into our earthly existence and take care of one another as if we were all we had. The Sermon on the Mount is all about here; there’s no passing through. Whatever eternity looks like, we are called to live these days as if there were all there is.

Jones and Pippa Evans, the two co-founders, were not antagonistic to faith. In fact, the leader of one of the Assemblies in Britain is a Christian. They are not simply reacting to something. They have a strong sense of mission:

“We often say that we’re not going to tell you how to live, but we’re going to help you do whatever you want to do as well as you can. We still have a very strong sense of purpose and mission. You know the ‘live better, help often, wonder more,’ corresponds nicely to self-service and spirit. We’ve got an awesome mission, which is to try and help everyone live this one life as fully as possible, and a vision, which is to try to help every town, city or village that wants to have a Sunday Assembly to have one.”

I listened to them talk and I wanted to invite them to dinner. What they described about their gatherings is close to what I feel about why I am a Christian and why I am a part of a congregation, but my community is fueled by and centered in my faith. My life and help and wonder are fed by Jesus. Even as I wait for Christ to be born again this year, in the middle of the gladness and grief that surrounds me, I find myself called to remember there is more than one way to the manger. Sanderson and Pippa were not angry or adversarial, they were not picking a fight. They are doing what they can to foster connectedness and lead people to a meaningful life. I don’t look at God and faith the same way they do and I feel my faith calling me to lean into the resonance I find in their assemblies rather than trying to make sure they know I’m right.

Jesus didn’t call us to be right. He called us to live together, to pay attention, and to love as though these days were all that mattered. He would have sung along with Guy Clark:

you’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money

love like you’ll never get hurt

you’ve got to dance like there’s nobody watching

it’s got to come from the heart if you want it to work

Grant us wisdom, grant us courage for the living of these days.

Peace

Milton

Down all my decembers I have

sung about bleak midwinters

this is the first I remember

snow falling in Bethlehem —

even as I sit in the sunshine

of a  sixty degree afternoon.

The weather of my heart

has seen mostly grey days of late;

in the fatiguing fog of grief

I find comfort in that couple

on the Palestinian road,

whether slouching or singing

their way into town — and now

comes word that they’ve run into

snow just outside of the city.

Should we drive out and find them,

or do we just go on knowing they

somehow always seem make it . . .

I am not carrying my own weight

these days, you see. But then, no

one gets through the storm alone.

No one. Grab your boots; we

cannot wait. O come, let us go

into the cold and bring them in.

Peace

Milton

I love bathrobe shepherds.

For all the pageants and grand tellings, there’s something about our kids in wonderfully makeshift costumes gathering together around the manger at the front of the church that tells the story best of all. I mean that last sentence with as little sentimentality as possible. They get it right, as they did yesterday at Pilgrim.

Our telling involves a small parade of characters — from shepherds to soldiers to magi — who walk in to the verse of a carol and then carry on a conversation with the somewhat irritable innkeepers until we are all at the front in tableau and everyone sings “Joy to the World!” This year, I was one of the Wise Men (irony intended), though the speaking parts went to the younger ones in our band of magi. The dialogue went back and forth until one of the boys said, “You don’t understand. What if God was in that stable — wouldn’t that change everything?”

What a question. In one sense, it feels rhetorical and yet, in another — as in when I think of my friends dealing with grief and cancer and unemployment and who-knows-what-else — I hear it in a different light. Still light, but a different light. The “what if” of it all reminds me there is more going on than it seems and that I have to pay attention. I love that phrase because of the action involved: pay attention. Mr. Berry enlightens:

We speak of “paying attention” because of a correct perception that attention is owed — that without our attention and our attending our subjects, including ourselves, are endangered. (83)

The subjects of which he was speaking are those things we write and speak and paint and sing about. His call to art and attending means understanding, as I spoke of before, they are not “raw materials” but the stuff of life that matters most. When we pay attention to one another we strengthen the ties that bind, we become community. When we pay attention to the story unfolding at the stable, we find ourselves along with God.

We use the verb attending when we talk about serving: attendants are those who take care of those around them. A key part of service is listening. To attend — to pay attention — means to listen. Listen well and our subjects are not endangered.

I met one who I hope is becoming a new friend a couple of weeks ago. He’s an artist here in town who does metal sculpture. We met at Cocoa Cinnamon (of course) and talked about the creative process. As he spoke about his painting and drawing and sculpting, he said he saw what he did as “abstracting,” but he had a twist on the way he defined the word. Till that moment, abstract art meant “not easily understandable,” but Jim said, “In academic life, an abstract of a dissertation distills the whole document down to a paragraph or two; it offers the essence of the thing. That’s the way I want to use the verb: abstracting, for me, means distilling life into the work of art: offering the essence of what I see around me.”

Very little of our pageant on Sunday was authentic or historically accurate, but what we did well was abstract the story: what if God was in that stable — wouldn’t it change everything.” That’s it. Let’s keep moving to the manger.

Peace,

Milton

I’ve spent another hour or two this evening sitting my writing spot in our house trying to find words to all that is swirling around inside. For a fair part of the time I have been listening to some of the songs that make up the soundtrack of my life. Similar to last night, I found myself landing on an old song I wrote with my friend Billy about what it means to be friends, one of our recurring themes. The opening verse of the song was a snapshot of our first meeting at a youth camp in the Ozark mountains where we did sit at the top of the cliff outside the dining hall and look down into the canyon at the river below. More than twenty years later, the question in the song pulls at me still.

are you

 

put on the coffee

and I’ll tell you a memory

we stood on the edge of time

as the river flowed silently by

we looked up at the stars

I still remember

and talked of what your life could be

you’re an old friend

so won’t you tell me

 

are you as sure of the dream

that you had on the way

finding enough of the truth

at the end of the day

caught now and then

by something like grace are you

are you still keeping a light on inside

shimmer of hope against the tide

finding that life is worth the ride

tell me — are you

 

remember the summer

we told one another

how we could change this world of ours

and quoted our heroes by heart

but here in this moment

we watch the way the river bends

you’re an old friend

I’m going to ask you again . . .

 

are you as sure of the dream

that you had on the way

finding enough of the truth

at the end of the day

caught now and then

by something like grace are you

are you still keeping a light on inside

shimmer of hope against the tide

finding that life is worth the ride

tell me — are you

Thanks for listening. Keep the light on.

Peace,

Milton

The last couple of days have left me overwhelmed by and grateful for all of the affection and attention that has come my way. I am a fortunate man. Sitting tonight in the upstairs room that is my “office” and going through the pockets of my mind trying to find words to describe at least some of what I’m feeling, I was pulled to a song my friend Billy and I wrote many years ago. Tonight seems a good night to sing them again.

friends at last

 

night and the phone rings pretty late

I need to talk are you still awake

you still awake

pride freezes the words we try to say

how did you get so far away

you’re far away

facing a day that’s too much to bear

never need never bleed

on the face that we wear

 

but when the snow falls on your roof

and my world feels colder

when you know without any proof

that you have my shoulder

when the fear of pain comes to break us

it’s the years of strain that will make us

friends at last

 

eyes just a glance and look away

how is your life and have a nice day

hey have a good day

so hard to pay what it costs to share

drop a line and it’s fine

but does anyone care

 

but when the snow falls on your roof

and my world feels colder

when you know without any proof

that you have my shoulder

when the fear of pain comes to break us

it’s the years of strain that will make us

friends at last

 

facing a day that’s too much to bear

never need never bleed

on the face that we wear

 

but when the snow falls on your roof

and my world feels colder

when you know without any proof

that you have my shoulder

when the fear of pain comes to break us

it’s the years of strain that will make us

friends at last

Peace

Milton

the road between here and there
is familiar; we’ve taken it so many times
the car could drive itself, as they say —

we’ve come this way so often
I no longer think in the chapter
and verse of exit signs . . .

instead, I mark our progress
by landmarks — mostly song, food,
and fuel: what it takes to keep going

some time this morning we passed
halfway without much fanfare, except
for Joni singing about cutting down trees —

for now that’s as close as I can get
to carols; i sing along and trust the road
and the stars that call my heart

like a homing beacon; I don’t feel much
like a wise man, but I know this
is the road between here and there

paved with stories and sorrows,
the climbing way we know all to well . . .
oh, my — look at all the stars

Peace
Milton