Home Blog Page 106

epiphany: camel-less

The Christmas tide is going out . . .

the waves of wonder which

crashed against the sea wall

of my heart are sliding away

reminding me that the tides

come and go, neap and spring:

this is the rhythm of redemption.

 

Along the now silent sands

in my mind’s eye I still see the

Magi meandering, starry-eyed.

This newly exposed beach is not

a breach, but an opening, an

epiphany (to use a stained-glass

word): Greek for “I get it now!”

 

Come — let us walk camel-less

down this beach of our lives,

wandering and wondering our

way between wall and water,

between Herod and hope . . .

write our names in the sand

and see how long they last.

 

Peace

Milton

christmastide: the morning after

I wrote this poem several years ago, and I thought of it this morning.

the morning after

Mary rose before sunrise;
the baby was still sleeping,
as was Joseph and most of
the animals, except for one cow
who looked a little sheepish.

The shepherds were long gone.
In their excitement, they had not
cleaned up well after themselves.
The Magi were resting somewhere,
waiting for night and the Star.

But Mary did not yet know
of gold and myrrh and frankincense,
neither did she know much about
motherhood, messiahs, or
life beyond this nativity.

I am up early with a cup
of coffee and a donut
of a dog asleep in my lap;
the house is quiet. Christmas
has come and is settling in.

I know little of parenting, or
babies, or what to do with
swaddling clothes. I do know
Christ is born again, for the
fifty-eighth time in my life.

In my mind’s eye I watch
Mary turn back to the stable
when she hears her little one cry
for the first time on his first
morning; she is smiling.

My dog perks up her ears,
as though she, too, hears
the crying, and looks up at me.
“Merry Christmas,” I say, wondering
what gifts have yet to be opened.

Peace,
Milton

advent journal: a faraway christmas

My offering tonight is a story I wrote several years ago. Three Christmases ago, my friend Terry helped me turn it into an audio file. This past year has helped me read it a bit differently. I share it again.

A Faraway Christmas

 

As we gather together on this Silent Night,

To sing ‘round the tree in the soft candlelight,

 

From a Faraway Christmas, from time that’s grown cold,

Comes a story, you see, that has seldom been told.

 

Of all of the legends, the best and the worst,

From Christmases all the way back to the first,

 

This little tale isn’t often remembered

From then until now, down through all those Decembers.

 

But I found an old copy tucked away on a shelf,

And I turned through the pages, and I thought to myself,

 

Of all of the times between now and then,

This is the Christmas to hear it again.

 

Once upon a time in a place we might know,

‘Cause their woods, like ours, often fill up with snow,

 

Was a small little hamlet — a Long Ago Town —

Of no great importance, or no real renown,

 

Filled with people who seemed fairly normal to me,

With names like Francesca, Francine, and McGee.

 

They had puppies and children, ate bread and ice cream,

They went shopping and swimming, they slept and they dreamed;

 

They laughed and did laundry, they danced and they dined,

And they strung Christmas lights on the big Scottish Pine

 

That grew in the square in the middle of town,

And when Christmas was over, they took the lights down.

 

They read the newspaper, they sometimes told jokes,

And some of the children put cards in the spokes

 

Of their bicycle tires, so they made quite a din

Till it came time for parents to call the kids in.

 

Yet for all of the things that kept people together,

The nice festive feeling, the Christmas Card weather,

 

For all of the happiness one was likely to hear,

This Faraway Christmas was marked, mostly, by fear.

 

Well, yes, they were frightened — but that’s still overstated;

What bothered folks most really could be debated.

 

Some were tired (exhausted), some were sad or depressed,

Some — the best way to say it — well, their lives were a mess.

 

Some felt pressure from not having paid all the bills,

Some were keeping dark secrets that were making them ill;

 

Some felt guilty and thought they were headed for hell,

But the town seemed so happy, who could they tell?

 

So everyone kept all their feelings inside,

And wished they had someone in whom to confide,

 

To say, “Life is lousy,” or “I’ve made a mistake,”

Or “Sometimes I’m so sad I don’t want to awake,”

 

Or “I miss my Grandma,” or “I loved my cat,”

Or “I never, no never get my turn at bat.”

 

Everyone kept it in, no one said a thing

Until once Christmas Eve, when the man they called Bing

 

Came to turn on the lights on the tree in the square

And nobody — not anyone — no one was there,

 

And he looked at the lights as he sat on the curb

And he said — to no one — “I feel quite disturbed;

 

“I know that it’s Christmas, when I should feel warm,

But I don’t think this year that I can conform.

 

It’s been hardly two months since my friend passed away;

How can I smile when he’s not here to say,

 

“’Merry Christmas’?” he asked and burst into tears,

And all of the sadness from all of the years

 

Came out of his eyes and ran down his cheeks,

And he thought he would sit there and blubber for weeks.

 

When Samantha showed up — she had not been expected —

And sat down beside him ‘cause he looked neglected.

 

He looked up through his tears, she said, “You look kinda bad.”

And he answered, “The truth is I feel real sad.”

 

When she heard those words, tears jumped straight to her eyes,

“The truth is,” she said, “I tell too many lies.

 

I  want people to like me, so I try to act cool,

But deep down inside I feel just like a fool.”

 

So they sat there and cried, like a sister and brother,

And were joined by one, and then by another,

 

With a story to tell and feelings to free,

And they wept and they hugged ‘neath the big Christmas Tree.

 

Can you imagine how many tears fell,

After all of the years that no one would tell

 

How much they were hurting, how broken or mad,

How long they had smiled when they really felt sad.

 

How long does it take to clean out your heart,

To get it all out, to make a new start?

 

That answer’s not easy to you and to me,

But they found out that night, those folks ‘round the tree.

 

They cried until daybreak, till the first rays of dawn

Broke over the tree tops and spread ‘cross the lawn,

 

in the new morning light Bing could see all the square;

He also could see the whole town was out there.

 

They had come through the night, first one, then another

To sit down together like sister and brother

 

To pour out their hearts for the first time in years,

And let out their feelings, their sadness, their tears.

 

Samantha stood up and then turned back to Bing,

“You started us crying, now help us to sing.”

 

So he started a carol, the one he knew best,

About joy to the world, and it burst from his chest.

 

The others joined in, not because they weren’t sad,

But because they’d admitted the feelings they had,

 

Everyone sang along, both the sad and the scared,

Because true friends are found when true feelings are shared.

 

There’s more to the story, but our time is short,

Of how life was changed I cannot now report,

 

But instead I must ask why this story’s forgotten;

It’s not hopeless or humdrum, it’s not ugly or rotten.

 

Do you think it’s because people said how they felt,

And if we tell the story then our hearts, too, might melt?

 

What if we spoke the truth, what if we named our fears,

What if we loosed the sadness we’ve tied up for years?

 

Would we ever stop crying, would the dawn ever come?

And like those in the story, once the tears had begun

 

Would we sit on the curb, first one, then another,

And talk about life like sister and brother.

 

Oh, that is exactly why I chose to tell

This lost little tale we know all too well.

 

Our world is no different; we’re frightened and sad,

We feel helpless and hopeless, and certainly mad,

 

But none of those words is the last on this Night

That we wait for the Child, that we pray for the Light,

 

That we sing of the good news the angels did bring,

And we wish for peace, more than any one thing.

 

Yes, this story that came from a Long Ago Town

Of no great importance, of no real renown,

 

Could be ours, if true feelings were what we would say;

And we’d find such a Christmas not so faraway.

 

Peace

Milton

 

P. S. — You can find a downloadable version here.

advent journal: snowed in

The first time you

came to Boston

it was so cold;

the wind bit us

at the bus stop.

You pulled me

close and asked, “Am

I still wearing pants?”

then you laughed.

 

When you first

came to Durham —

our first Christmas

in our new home —

we were snowed in.

You looked out and said,

“I’ve never had

a white Christmas”

and you smiled.

 

Tomorrow will be

in the sixties when

we pick Mom up

at the airport:

no snow; no you.

We’ll smile and say,

“Now let me tell

you something . . .”

and miss you.

 

As our house fills

up with empty

chairs, I don’t

know how to

prepare for absence.

I am snowed in

by sorrow, grateful

for those who keep

digging me out.

 

Peace,

Milton

advent journal: waltz

when we lived by the ocean

I learned to tell time by the tides

(I guess I should say I couldn’t

tell time a thing — or keep it)

there was no second hand . . .

no sense of calendar —

just the giving and taking

away of the beach twice a day:

a waltz to the rhythm of the moon

 

on this spring tide of sunshine

and darkness, this longest night

I am mindful of what has washed

up and washed away on the beaches

of my heart, a waltz of my own

to the metronome of missing:

the giving and taking away —

the giving and taking away . . .

the giving and taking away.

 

Peace,

Milton

advent journal: that kind of love

At the end of the last century, Ron Howard directed a movie called “Ed” that tried to take a look at the preposterous idea that people would watch a TV show that was simply filming someone’s everyday life. I don’t know that even Howard understood how prophetic he was, or perhaps even suggestive. One of the powerful messages of the film  was found in the way the camera changed the lives of those being filmed. They acted differently. In the long run, they became caricatures of themselves all because the camera was running and the filmmakers and the viewers were complicit in the transformation. As reality television has increased, so has my sense that most of it is akin to gawking as you drive by an accident.

My disclaimer: I have never watched an episode of Duck Dynasty. I’ve seen the beards and a few clips of the show here and there and have watched Facebook blow up over the last few days because of the statements one of the guys — Phil — made in an interview in Esquire magazine. Beyond what I read and heard, I know nothing about him or his family other than their duck call business is a multi-million dollar operation, at least in part thanks to the show. I know that both A&E and the family involved are making lots of money. And I know Phil has been suspended from the show, even as the cameras keep rolling on the rest of them. I also know reality television is not real at all; it’s contrived. Created. Fabricated. The genre of shows like Duck Dynasty basically make fun of the people they put on film. A&E wants you to think these people are crazy, just as the others do with shows about kiddie beauty pageants and dance recitals. This is the television equivalent of paying a dollar at the carnival to see Jo Jo the Monkey Boy. The controversy is designed to make the news, however briefly, and then to move on to the next spectacle. Facebook will simmer down, Phil will go back to work, and A&E will keep making fun and making money. This morning, the story made it to NPR’s Morning Edition, and I listened as I made coffee, then I went online and found his quotes about gays and African-Americans. To say I disagree with him would be an understatement.

I was just finishing my coffee when I heard a second story this morning, which was not new to me, about Frank Schaefer, a Methodist minister who was defrocked this week for performing the wedding of his son, who is gay. The wedding took place in 2007 in Massachusetts, where equal marriage is legal. When Frank did the wedding, he also knew he was breaking the rules of his denomination. The trial shone a light on the division within Methodism over how to come to terms with the gay and lesbian people in their number.

By now there are thousands upon thousands of people who have thrown in their two cents about Phil and Frank and what the Bible says and what the Constitution says to the point that we have created a cacophony none of us can listen to. Then again, there aren’t that many of us listening; we are all talking. Or shouting. The reason I am writing tonight is because I have a whole slew of people whom I love who are gay and lesbian. I also have a great deal of people who are profession Christians whom I love as well. The two groups overlap quite a bit. I want them to know I am saddened when their existence as human beings requires somehow that they are always introduced with a preceding adjective. I want them to know I don’t think they are broken or tainted or sinful for being themselves. Jesus didn’t call us to keep the rules; he called us to keep each other and remind each other nothing — not death or life or judgment or ecclesiastical councils or reality television — can separate us from the love of God. I’ll let Pierce Pettis take it from here.

That Kind of Love

 

Can’t be bought or sold or faked

That kind of love

Always gives itself away

That kind of love

Wiser than the wisest sage

It’s innocence makes me ashamed

Til I’m not sure I can take

That kind of love

 

Pride and hatred cannot stand

That kind of love

Greater love hath no man

Than that kind of love

Won’t be kept unto itself

Spreads it’s charm, casts it’s spell

No one’s safe this side of hell

From that kind of love

 

Love rejected and ignored

Held in chains, behind closed doors

Stuff of legend and of songs

Deep down everybody longs for

That kind of love . . . oh, that kind of love

 

Some people never know

That kind of love

Though it only takes a child to show

That kind of love

Widows smile and strong men weep

Little ones play at it’s feet

Deaf can hear and blind can see

That kind of love

 

Love triumphant, love on fire

Love that humbles and inspires

No conditions, no restraints

That kind of love . . . oh, that kind of love

 

How could anyone deny

That kind of love

Every heart is measured by

That kind of love

Even stars fall from the sky

Everything will fall in time

Except those things that cannot die

That kind of love

Oh, may you be remembered by

That kind of love

Love that does not hesitate

We are loved, we are loved, we are really, really loved — every last one of us.

Peace

Milton

advent journal: loaded metaphor

in the story of america

war is the primary metaphor

we see life as a battle

conquest as a mission

we’re number one, remember?

 

we live our lives locked

and loaded, ready for battle

our words are bullets

intent on doing damage

in the name of faith and

 

freedom: we must defend

our right to be right

the cost of the conquest

goes largely unnoticed

we are killing ourselves

 

yelling ourselves to death

we have chosen a metaphor

that knows nothing of poetry

or compassion, we shoot

and never get to the question:

 

war — what is it good for?

absolutely nothing

say it again . . .

 

Peace

Milton

advent journal: the living of these days

As the son of my father, I love old hymns and gospel music. I’ve done my best to emulate is ability to sing every hymn in worship without having to open a book. One of the results of growing up with those songs in my head and heart is I learned to both love and sing harmony. A good hymn should always have harmony parts. Still, along with all the infectious melodies and inviting harmonies of those old gospel goodies comes a lot of bad theology, namely that heaven is the true reality and this life is nothing but a way station. My favorite example is:

this world is not my home I’m just a-passin’ through

my treasure’s all laid up somewhere beyond the blue

the angels beckon me from heaven’s open door

and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore

 

o Lord, you know I have no friend like you

if heaven’s not my home then Lord what will I do

the angels beckon me from heaven’s open door

and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore

On my way to my favorite coffee shop this afternoon, I heard a story on Here and Now about the Sunday Assembly, a new non-faith movement that defines itself as “a global network of super people who want to make the most of this one life we know we have.” It was started by two standup comedians in Britain who wanted the sense of community “without the God bit.” Their point is not to be atheist, but rather to invite anyone they can to join in. Sanderson Jones said, “We come from nothing and we go to nothing, so we need to make the best of the seventy, eighty, or ninety years of this life we know we have.”

What struck me in listening to the interview was their investment in this life, in these days, in being HERE and not always gazing at the horizon. They don’t see themselves as passing through. This is not a practice life or a transit lounge. This is It. For me, however, what they are describing is not antithetical to my faith because these days on this planet are the ones that matter — because of the baby in Bethlehem.

We’re not playing minor league ball here. If all that mattered was to endure these days so we could get to the Show, why would the Incarnation even be part of the story? Instead, Jesus came to show us what it means to be fully human. When he spoke, he called us to dig deep into our earthly existence and take care of one another as if we were all we had. The Sermon on the Mount is all about here; there’s no passing through. Whatever eternity looks like, we are called to live these days as if there were all there is.

Jones and Pippa Evans, the two co-founders, were not antagonistic to faith. In fact, the leader of one of the Assemblies in Britain is a Christian. They are not simply reacting to something. They have a strong sense of mission:

“We often say that we’re not going to tell you how to live, but we’re going to help you do whatever you want to do as well as you can. We still have a very strong sense of purpose and mission. You know the ‘live better, help often, wonder more,’ corresponds nicely to self-service and spirit. We’ve got an awesome mission, which is to try and help everyone live this one life as fully as possible, and a vision, which is to try to help every town, city or village that wants to have a Sunday Assembly to have one.”

I listened to them talk and I wanted to invite them to dinner. What they described about their gatherings is close to what I feel about why I am a Christian and why I am a part of a congregation, but my community is fueled by and centered in my faith. My life and help and wonder are fed by Jesus. Even as I wait for Christ to be born again this year, in the middle of the gladness and grief that surrounds me, I find myself called to remember there is more than one way to the manger. Sanderson and Pippa were not angry or adversarial, they were not picking a fight. They are doing what they can to foster connectedness and lead people to a meaningful life. I don’t look at God and faith the same way they do and I feel my faith calling me to lean into the resonance I find in their assemblies rather than trying to make sure they know I’m right.

Jesus didn’t call us to be right. He called us to live together, to pay attention, and to love as though these days were all that mattered. He would have sung along with Guy Clark:

you’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money

love like you’ll never get hurt

you’ve got to dance like there’s nobody watching

it’s got to come from the heart if you want it to work

Grant us wisdom, grant us courage for the living of these days.

Peace

Milton

advent journal: snow

Down all my decembers I haveBethlehem in the Snow

sung about bleak midwinters

this is the first I remember

snow falling in Bethlehem —

even as I sit in the sunshine

of a  sixty degree afternoon.

 

The weather of my heart

has seen mostly grey days of late;

in the fatiguing fog of grief

I find comfort in that couple

on the Palestinian road,

whether slouching or singing

 

their way into town — and now

comes word that they’ve run into

snow just outside of the city.

Should we drive out and find them,

or do we just go on knowing they

somehow always seem make it . . .

 

I am not carrying my own weight

these days, you see. But then, no

one gets through the storm alone.

No one. Grab your boots; we

cannot wait. O come, let us go

into the cold and bring them in.

 

Peace

Milton