I have spent the evening
baking, not writing.
I have swirled my sadness
into the mix of
butter, sugar, eggs
because I know
what to do with
butter, sugar, and eggs.
Baking the same cookie
doesn’t feel repetitive;
why does writing
about grief feel
as though I am saying
the same thing
over and over and over?
I think I’ll have a cookie.
The ultimate comfort food. Sorry for your grief, Friend. God bless and keep.
More cooking than grieving in your life (correct?), thus you have more experience and are more comfortable there.
“This is the kind of pain from which we don’t recover.” Mary Chapin Carpenter. And maybe we don’t want to recover. Incorporate is a better idea. Eventually there are tiny little moments where the grief is in your pocket, and you know you can pat it now and take it out to look at later. I promise. I have also started a few traditions to honor them. A little comfort is a good thing.
the words will come when they’re ready, you’re not wasting time, you’re prepping, just like in cooking
The late Ali Farka Toure (guitarist from Mali) said that when he played, he smiled a lot because the music carried or transported him, just like the listener, and he was very content. Paraphrasing now, “…one cannot always feel that way, but just wait a little while, and one will get that feeling back.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DQMYqLrc7k
That’s the way cooking is for me.
Aren’t we grateful for cookie breaks in the midst of Grief?
I heard about your blog through a mutual friend late last summer; it was coincidentally at a time when I embarked on a journey overflowing with tremendous grief. Much of what you have shared at times resonates strongly with something I have felt in my grief, as well. I have appreciated that you continue to process your grief in writing. I identify with feeling repetitive in my journaling and processing, which is exactly why I find comfort in the fact that you continue to process yours and share it. Sometimes it is what you say that brings comfort, sometimes it is the fact that you are still saying it. Anyway, thanks for being open in this space.
Thanks, Jenny. It helps to share the journey.